Disclaimer: Gen X is the property of Marvel comics. The Evil Dead and Ash are the property of Sam Rami. I don't know who owns Barney but I wish the army of darkness upon them.

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"Well lass, it could be worse…" was Banshees half-hearted attempt at reassurance.

"In what way? We have fifty non-student teenagers awaiting beer and a monster truck rally on the front lawn of the academy! I don’t know who put up the ad but when I find them they are DEAD!"

Banshee made a note not to voice his suspicions that Jubilee was to blame.

"I want them off my lawn by the time I get back!" Yelled Emma.

As she stormed off, Banshee braced himself to deal with fifty disappointed students.

"Come on you hunk of shit! Move it!"

Ash wasn't happy. He'd only just got back from the past having defeated the Army of Darkness and now he was having to track down the f**king book! The Necronomicon, the book that had unleashed the deadites upon the world had gone missing. After a little while (two months but Ash was never the brightest bulb in the box) he'd had the afterthought to find and burn the book to prevent another attack. Unfortunately the book was gone. A little digging had revealed that a friend of the professor who had found the original book had come back to the cabin and acquired it. He'd sent it back to the university but had got the postal address wrong and the Necronomicon had ended up being posted to some private school in Massachusetts.

"It might not be to bad. If it's an all girls school, well who knows…"

Ash smiled. Then he remembered the look of female deadites and checked to see if his shotgun and chainsaw were working.

He then floored the accelerator.

"I’m telling you Lee, these books are cool!"

"Paige, some of these books are older that Wolvie! How can they be cool?"

Jono watched the unfolding drama before him. Emma had set the students the task of sorting out some new books that had arrived to the mansion. He'd been roped into it as he hadn't been quick enough to run.

"Hey! What's this?"

Jubilee had pulled out a book that was distinctly unusual. As she did so, a piece of paper fell out.

"Hey Lee, what does it say?" Asked Paige.

Jubilee began to read.

"Agar varshish nee dolarum.

She carn dey shennal waoh dertum."

Jubilee looked up from the page.

"Just a load of crap."

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Ash was driving slower now. It was nearly sunset and he was only a few seconds away from his destination. Then he saw it. A few wisps of fog blowing across the ground. Moving in the direction of the school. This wouldn't be too bad if there was a wind but there wasn't.

Ash put two and two together, obtained 4.001 and floored the accelerator. He crashed through the school gates and kept on going. He entered the school (Still inside his car) and came to a stop at the stairs.

This was enough to bring Banshee running.

"ALRIGHT YA HEATHENS! WHAT'S GOIN' ON HERE!?"

"Hey man! Don't get worked up! I'm here to.."

Before he could say anything else, Banshee let loose a sonic scream that blew apart all the windows on the delta 88.

"MY CAAAAAARRRR!!!!"

"Now calm down before I have ta - MARY MOTHER OF GOD!"

Ash swung his chainsaw at Banshee, only narrowly missing him.

"LET'S SEE HOW WELL YA FIGHT AGAINST A REAL MAN AND NOT A POOR, DEFENSELESS CAR YA LOUDMOUTHED IRISH BASTARD!!!!!"

"DON'T PUSH IT YA FOUL MOUTHED BRAGGET!" Cried Banshee.

"COME GET SOME!!!!" yelled a homicidal Ash.

"WHAT THE F**K IS GOING ON HERE?!?" Cried Emma Frost.

Both men turned to Emma. In normal circumstances, most men would love to see a beautiful blonde woman in a tight leather outfit. But Banshee knew better.

Ash didn't.

"Woah! If she's a teacher here she can spank my ass anytime!"

A psi-blast from a rather pissed off Emma Frost took Ash down.

"Right. Call the students to the main office and we'll deal with this psycho."

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Ash woke up to face the student body of Generation X. It wasn't pleasant as he hadn't had much contact with mutants in his life.

"Oh man. I'm in shit."

"Aye. Ye are lad." Agreed Banshee.

"I say we call the cops and let them deal with him." Said Paige.

"Let's hear him out first." Said Chamber.

"Thanks man." Said Ash.

"Well speak and make it quick." Said Emma.

"I'm Ash. A couple of months ago, me and my girlfriend went to a cabin in the woods in Tennessee. We were getting on well when I found a tape recorder that had some crazy old professors discovery of the book of the dead. When it was played, it unleashed a load of Zombies or "Deadites" as I like to call them. They killed my girlfriend and a load of other people before the professor's daughter managed to send them back. It also sent me back to 1300 where I had to fight an army of the bastards. When I got back, I learnt that the book had been sent here so I came to see if I could get it before all hell broke loose."

"Quite a fantastic story. But ye don' expect us ta believe…"

"Sean! I've scanned his mind! He's telling the truth!"

Ash pulled himself to his feet and grabbed his shotgun and Chainsaw.

"Now if you folks could just point me to the book I'll get out of - Oh f**k!"

"What's the matter?" Asked Monet.

"As I was driving up here I saw the mists! The Evil Force! Someone has already unleashed the Deadites!"

"Jubilee, if we get out of this, you're grounded for a month." Said Emma calmly.

"Why me?" Cried Jubilee.

"Who else would do such a thing?" Said Angelo.

"Screw you Dermoflex!" Cried Jubilee.

Before Emma could respond, Paige said:

"What about the people outside?"

As if in response to her question, the door burst open to reveal:

"LOOK!" Cried Everett, "IT'S DORRAIN AND WEASEL!"

"No it's not." Said Ash.

Before the group stood the two teens. But they'd been possessed by the evil force. Their pupilless white eyes and pale blue skin with wicked, dark, tooth-filled maws marked them as Deadites.

"WE'LL SWALLOW YOUR SOULS!" Cried the devilish pair.

"Keep back kids!" Cried Banshee, "I'll handle this!"

He never got the chance as Ash, Synch and Jubilee went postal.

"COME GET SOME!!!!!" Cried Ash.

"PAYBACK TIME MOTHER F**KERS!" Screamed Synch.

Jubilee just yelled and launched a firework attack.

Jubilee’s fireworks tore into the flesh of the Weasel Deadite. Parts of his face were blown off but he kept on coming towards them. Synch placed his aura in sync with Penance and tore into Dorrain with his bare hands, crying:

"HOW DO YOU LIKE HAVING THE SHIT BEAT OUT OF YOU!???!"
Ash and Jubilee squared off against Weasel. Jubilee’s fireworks kept him off guard while Ash just walked up to him and decapitated him. The severed head fell off and flew towards the rest of the students.

"Who’s for a game o’ Soccer mates?" Asked Chamber as he kicked the severed head.

Banshee helped calm down the vomiting, hysterical Paige while Emma tried to make it clear to Artie and Leech that this wasn’t "Cool" and the rest of the team took Jono up on his offer with the severed head crying:

"I’LL SWALLOW YOUR F**KING SOULS YOU FREAKS!!! Oww my nose!"

Monet was looking out of the window and not liking what she saw

Meanwhile, Ash was surveying the remains of the corpse of Weasel. Jubilee was walking over to him. He didn’t look like a Deadite any more. He looked like a scared, injured boy."

"help me..."

"Oh god, Banshee we gotta do something!"

"help me..."

"Kid! It’s a trick! Don’t..."

"Too late!" Cried Weasel as he leapt to tear Jubilee’s throat out. But before he did so, Synch brought the door ( Still in its frame with part of the wall attached! ) down upon Weasel. Totally destroying the body.

"NAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!! REVENGE IS MINE!!!! THAT WILL TEACH YOU TO MESS WITH EVERET THOMAS!!!"

"Ev, take a tranquilizer and chill, OK?" Said Jubilee.

"Jono, Amigo, you’ve dropped the "ball"."

"OK, I’ll get it." Said Jono.

As Jono reached down to pick up the severed head, it sank its teeth into his flesh.

"HOLLLLLY F**K!!! GET IT OFF ME F**KIN’ HAND!! ARRRRAGH!!"

"What do we do?" Cried Emma.

"It’s bitten his hand. The same thing happened to me once before. I had to cut my hand off before it got possessed." Said Ash.

"Hold on Jono! Angelo is commin’ for you!"

Skin wrapped himself around the head and squeezed the head into a pulpy mess.

"Thanks mate. I owe ya OH MY GOD!"

Jono’s hand was now possessed by the evil force. It reached out and grabbed Skin’s throat and began to squeeze. Angelo clawed at it but to no avail.

"MOVE!" Cried Ash.

There was a roar of the chainsaw. As Jono saw this he freaked.

"NOT MY HAND! THERE’S GOTTA BE ANOTHER WAY TO DO THIS!!!!"

"Listen lad, we have ta do it. It’s too dangerous to keep it. Two minutes with Paige and we don’t know what you’d be swingin’ over yer head!"

Before Jono could respond, Ash brought the Chainsaw down on his arm. Jono screamed and the hand released Angelo’s throat.

"oh my god..." Was all Paige could whisper before launching into another vomiting frenzy."

Angelo bent over to pick up the hand. As he did so, it poked him in the eye.

"CARAMBA!!! COME BACK HERE YA LITTLE SWINE!"

The hand flipped him off and proceeded to scuttle for the door.

"Oh, no ya don’t." Cried Ash as he, Jubilee, Chamber and Banshee let rip with their attacks on the hand, blowing a hole in the wall. floor and several in the hand itself."

"Dude, I think Jono’s still in shock. Look at him." Said Jubilee.

Jono was clutching the stump of his arm where the hand used to me muttering:

"My right hand. It did all my favourite things. We were inseparable – at least I thought we were..."

"Miss. Frost, Mr Cassidy, Mr Ash, everyone." Said M, "I think you better look outside."

"What’s up lass, more Deadites?" Asked Banshee.

"Worse." Came the grim reply.

As Generation X and Ash gazed out of the window, they saw a horrible sight. The monster truck fans that had arrived had become Deadites. And now a horrible sight emerged. A hole had opened in the ground and from the depths of hell ascended a terrible demon. It resembled a cute, purple dinosaur. It gave a hideous cry to the army of Darkness that had gathered.

"HI EVERYBODY! LET’S BE FRIENDS!!!"

And Generation X and Ash despaired as the realisation of who it was dawned upon them.

"OH NO! NOT BARNEY!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

To be continued..............