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{Special thanks to Caddy for helping me out on this.}
(The Bridge. Mike is seen trying to fix Tom Servo. Crow enters.)

Crow: You called, Mike?
Mike: I'm totally confounded. Tom's broken down and I don't know how to fix him.
Crow: What's wrong?
Mike: Listen.
(Mike turns on Tom. Tom floats up sideways and starts dancing.)
Tom (sings out of tune): Sugar in the morning/ Sugar in the evening/ Sugar in the afternoon.

(Thankfully, Mike turns Tom off.)

Crow: I wouldn't know where to begin.

(The mads light flashes.)

Mike: Oh God, not her *now*.
Pearl: Nelson! Pay attention you pathetic excuse for a life form!
Mike: What is it, Pearl?
Pearl: I'm teleporting someone over there now. His name is Big John. He's going to be staying with you for two weeks.
Mike: Well, I can always use more company.
Pearl: This is as much his torture as yours! Do not forget that!!
(Big John teleports in. He is a metalic humanoid robot dressed in long shorts and a shirt.)
Big John: Hey there, got any babes on this station?
Pearl: Big John, you will stay there until you learn your lesson!
Big John: Yes mistress Pearl.
Pearl: And as for the rest of you, I'm cutting off the oxygen in the rest of the station just to be really cruel. I've got something very hideous to show you this time around.
Mike: I'll have to deal with Tom later...
Mike and the bots: We've got...!!!

(they pause for a second)

Err...something sign!!!

(Door sequence...)

(The theater. We see Big John, Crow, and Mike there, Big John's in Tom's space.)

Mike: Okay, so what's on deck for today that Pearl thinks is so bad?

Crow: Looks like a comic. Generation X #42? Hey, before we get started, let's have a little fun with the creative team here.
Mike: And who might that be, my robot friend?
Crow: Let's see here, first of all we have writer Larry Hama.
Big John: Isn't he the one who destroyed Elektra?
Crow: I thought he created Obnoxio the clown.
Mike: He must have done both, actually.
Crow: He's noted for being good at Wolverine, however.
Big John: Yea, but that's because ol' Santa Claws doesn't have a personality per se. These other characters do, you know.
Crow: Next, artist Terry Dodson.
Big John: Hey, Terry does such hot babes.
Crow: Can't disagree with you there.
Mike: Hey, great artwork is more than hot babes!
Big John: Bite your tongue!
Crow: He's right, Big John. You need realistic characters, life-like settings, and everything else to be right to be a good artist. Anyway, let's go on to inker Rachel Dodson.
Big John: What's the point of an inker anyway?
Mike: Well, the artist draws in pencil, and then the inker makes the lines dark by putting ink on them.
Big John: Well, then the inker really doesn't require a lot of talent.
Crow: Au contraire. Actually, it's very time consuming to make sure you follow the lines correctly. Now, let's talk about the colorist Felix Serrano.
Big John: Don't know much about this.
Mike: Sounds like the same as the inker. Let's skip the rest of them.
Crow: All right. I really would like to have ranted a little about Ruben Diaz, the editor.
Mike: Isn't he the one who's supposed to stop all the mistakes from happening?
Big John: He's been falling down on that job a lot of late.
Crow: He's been plummeting several stories of late. Well, let's get started, anyway First, check out the cover.
Big John: Say, who's that total babe there?
Crow: That's Bianca. Mike: White skin... names Bianca? *Groan.*
Big John: Hmm ... pale white skin, dressed in dark clothing ... must be a Goth.
Crow: She doesn't have black nail polish, though.
Big John: Must not be available in the dimension she just escaped from.
Okay, the fold out now...
Mike: Bianca LaNiege? Say, that's a corrupted French thing for Snow White, isn't it?
Big John: I'd take umbrage if I was French.
Crow: Well, while Marvel speaks many languages, they don't speak any of them very well.
Mike: Especially English.
Big John: Yea, like Sunspot over in X-Force... not until recently did he actually start speaking Portuguese, even though he's from Brazil.
Mike: You would think they know that they speak Portuguese in Brazil, not Spanish.
Crow: Es la escuela de Dan Quayle.
Big John: Huh?
Crow: The Dan Quayle School. Remember ol' Danny said after visiting Latin America: "I wish I had studied Latin more in school so I could talk to the people there."
Mike: Actually, that's an urban legend that has no basis in fact.
Crow: Really. I did not know that.
> Caption: They come from all across the globe, and all walks of life, Mike: Hey, they don't have anyone from the Southern hemisphere in the team. They don't cover the whole earth.
Crow: That's not the point. The point is that they come from different backgrounds. Well, let's get to page 1 here.
> Caption: She is Emma Frost, headmistress of the Massachusetts Academy, and one of the most powerful psi talents on the planet.
Crow: I thought she was dead.
Big John: She did die, but then came back. You can never keep a hot babe like that down.
Mike: Gee, I hope when I die I don't get resurrected over and over.
Crow: Don't worry, you're not a Marvel character.
Big John: She sure is looking hot, though. I liked her better when she worethat lingerie outfit. You know, a bra, panties, and the cape.
Crow: Gee, why doesn't Pearl ever send us those kind of comics? Mike: Crow, Don't follow Big John's
> Caption: Her young charges include mutants-in-training Paige Gutherie, aka Husk ...
Big John: Charges? Are they like on a credit card or something?
Mike: I wonder if they take American Express?
Mike & Big John (simultaneously): Visa ... it's everywhere you want to be.
Crow: No, no, it means she's supposed to take care of them.
Big John: Well, I'd certainly like her to take care of some things for me.
Mike: Don't go there, Big John.
Crow: "Mutants in training?" I thought you were born a mutant, not that you had to train for it.
Big John: Well, I hope she's teaching those babes to dress like she used to.
Crow & Mike (simultaneously): Big John!!
> Caption: Monet St. Claire aka M ...
Mike: St. Claire? So why does it call her Monet St. Croix on the inside front cover?
Big John: Maybe she's like Domino, and has tons of aliases.
Crow: Or maybe Marvel just blew it again.
Big John: Say, don't they call her Moanin' St. Claire in the Generation XXX site?
Mike & Crow (simultaneously): BIG JOHN!
Mike: Keep it up and I'll throw you out. Big John: I've been in Pearl's bedchamber. It takes a LOT to scare me.
> Caption: And Jubilation lee, aka Jubilee
Crow: Jubilee: Proof positive a Wolverine haircut looks good on nobody.
Big John (sings): "I looked in the mirror and almost fainted/Because my head looked like something Picasso had painted/ I had a bad haircut."
Crow: Who is that?
Big John: Wally Pleasant.
Mike: Who???
Crow: Getting back on track, what's with all this bold text? Are they afraid that if they don't bold things, we won't see it?
Mike: Hey, few people actually pay attention to the captions.
Crow: Anyway, one last thing: Wasn't Snow Valley supposed to be a small town? How'd they get a miniature golf course? Let alone one that looks older than dirt?
Big John: That course must be under the witness protection program. Page 2 now.
> Synch: This ain't the Masters and you're not Tiger Woods.
Big John: Say, I thought they were supposed to be searching for Gaia II. What are they doing playing miniature golf?
Mike: Maybe Banshee thinks Gaia II is in that critter he's looking into and that's why they're there.
Crow: If that was true, why is he shooting a golf ball in there?
Mike: To get her out, maybe?
Crow (slightly annoyed): Page 3.

> Ronee: Oooh, Betsy -- check out the boy in the mask! Maybe he's some celebrity in disguise!
Mike: If he was some famous celebrity, why in the world would he be wasting his time at a run down miniature golf course in Snow Valley, Mass.?
Big John: Are they playing miniature golf with rollerblades on? Say, that would be very difficult, wouldn't it?
Mike: Maybe it's one of those extreme things where they combine sports, you know like tennis and bowling.
Crow: Tennis and bowling?
Mike: Yea, you shoot a tennis all at ten pins, trying to knock them over in one stroke.
Crow: I'm sorry I asked. Geez, we've said a lot and covered little.
Big John: The best is yet to come, amigos.
Crow: Let's move on to page 4.

Big John: Yea, bend over Betsy babe, Big John is flyin' in!
Mike: Hey! Cut it out!
Big John: Gee, you're no fun.
Mike: Why is Jono wearing a shirt that says "Paul" on it?
Crow: Good question. What I'd like to know is where can I meet some impossibly hot babes like that which will swoon over me like they do Jono here.
Mike: Come on, this is the Marvel Universe. If those two were in this reality, they'd be supermodels, probably hawking makeup or some-thing like that.
All (singing simultaneously): Easy, breezy, beautiful, cover girl!
Crow: Well, they don't have much covered, do they?
Mike: I bet Hama thought it would be funny to have some babes hit on Jono like this.
Crow: It's definitely a letdown.

> M: How utterly shameless!
Big John: Who's more shameful: Someone who sentences their sister to a life of misery and silence for her sin, or these two babes?
Crow: I like that they drew them as black figurines against a setting sun, even though the panel before, the sun is higher in the sky. That's a clear indication that the artist is falling behind on his/her deadline.
> Banshee: Not cheatin' are ye?
> Queen: Who, moi?
Mike: So how can she cheat?
Big John: She just gives the ball a telekenetic shove.
Crow: But the Handbook to the Marvel Universe says the White Queen isn't telekinetic.
Big John: Apparently, she's getting new powers.
Crow: Ohmigawd! That means they're gonna turn her into a Dark White Queen.
Mike: Er, wouldn't that make her a Gray Queen?
Crow: And for that matter, since her powers are based on her DNA, wouldn't that require a major genetic restructuring of her DNA? Oh well, onto page 6.

> Betsy: That ball raised a little lump on your cute little head --
> Ronee: -- Would you like us to rub it and make it feel better?
Mike: If you're so worried about his well being, why did you hit him in the head with a golf ball in the first place?
Crow: And how is rubbing it going to make it feel *better*?
Big John: Maybe she's a sadist.
Crow: I guess we've all got out little hangups. I'd still like to meet someone who would swoon over me like that though. You have to admit, Chamber's not the best looking of the guys.
Big John: Onto page 8.

Mike: So Paige waits until NOW to intervene?
Crow: Apparently, she can't take much more of their bad dialogue. I know I couldn't.
Mike: I don't think I could have either. You know, I have NEVER seen a girl fawning over anyone like that. If a woman likes a man, she's more subtle about things. She gives him a wink, a smile, but doesn't go straight up to him and start pawing him.
Crow: And you'd know these things, Mike?
Mike: Hey! I'm better versed in the subilties of things than Big John here.
Big John: Must be one of Hama's fantasies, anyway.
Crow: Good point. Not only that, the rest of the team doesn't seem to care that Husk slapped those girls.
Big John: I'd like to give them a little slap - on their -
Mike and Crow (interrupting): Big John!
Mike: Something else I'd like to know: how is that small, dilapidated building there able to support the weight of that starship? It's got to weigh several tons!
Crow: And it came in and landed there, and NOBODY notices this.
Mike: Well, we are in the Marvel universe. It probably takes a lot more than a weird looking spaceship to make them lift an eyebrow. Onto page 9.

Big John: Yea! Bend over, goth babe, I'm comin' in fer ya!
> Bianca: That's her! The cheap blonde teeing up!
Crow: You mean she's cheap? I wonder if I could rent her out a night or two...
Big John: I certainly would like too as well.
Mike: You probably couldn't afford her Crow, with all the time you spend surfing the net.
Crow: Hey, I get my net time for free.
Mike: Then what was all that charge on my credit card for?
Crow: Oh, that was for the... err... never mind.
Big John: Hmm... I'd start checking out some of the lesser used parts of the station if I were you.
(Big John nudges Crow and winks.)
> Bianca: And payback is going to be sweet indeed, now that I have acquired psi-powers to rival her own!
Mike: Erm, I don't know if I'd want to date a woman that could read my mind .... after all, she'd pick up on some naughty thoughts.
Crow: And you couldn't keep any secrets from her.
Big John: Eh, I don't care. I'd still boff her one.
Mike: Big John, I'm warning you...
Crow: Let's go onto page 12, shall we?

> Caption: Betsy Braddock, aka Psylocke is locked in a deadly duel with Ananasi the Trickster.
Mike: More bolding? They must think we're going blind or something.
Big John: Well,some guys do pull the rod while looking at these pictures.
Mike: Big John! All right that's it! Get out of here! I don't care what Pearl says, you're corrupting an innocent robot mind!
Crow: Innocent? Who?
Big John: Oh come *on*, Mike. You know that these comic books are geared to sell to horny adolescent boys.
Mike: But this is supposed to be a family viewing show.
Big John: All right, all right. I'll calm down. Promise.
Crow: Way to break the fourth wall, Mike.
Mike: Shush.

Crow: Back to the comic here... I think they believe that if you can't be good, be bold!
Big John: Kinda like you can tell how bad a chorus line is by counting the number of times they say "Hooray!"
Mike: If this comic was a musical, they'd be shouting "hooray" every five seconds!
Crow: Oh yeah, and there's something else I'd like to know. Is her first name Elizabeth, Elisabeth, or Betsy?
Mike: Depends on who's writing it, I suppose.
Big John: Handbook says it's Elizabeth, and Betsy is an alias.
Mike: Geez, you've both got that handbook memorised, haven't you?
Big John: Gives me something to do when she's not in the mood.
> Ananasi: You claim to be a warrior, Psylocke ...prove it!
> Psylocke: I will! I will!
Crow: Gee, all that training,all that experience in writing, and this is the best Hama can come up with?
Big John: Joe Kelly wrote that part.
Mike: Probably to prove to us that Hama isn't the worst writer that Marvel has.
Crow:He should go and write the Rampaging Hulk.
Big John: Isn't that the one where they brought back the dumb green Hulk?
Crow: Yea ... and they're doing the same thing over again. But that's another rant all together.
> Psylocke realizes that she has unwittingly unleashed a psionic blast into a carefully engineered trap ...
Mike: Yea, and she somehow suddenly got back into her uniform with no explanation!
Big John: I wish more heroines wore skimpy clothing like that.
Crow: Some of them are starting to, like Elektra...
Mike: I'm going to be kind and ignore that comment...
Crow: Well, on the psi plane, you can suddenly change your appearance.
Big John: I think I'd like to go there and turn in to a very hot hunk, one the babes would swoon over.
Mike: I'm not warning you again, Big John.
Big John: Spoilsport.
Crow (Annoyed): Page 13, now.

> Caption: The EMP wave, invisible to all, travels like a psionic tsunami at the speed of thought ... seizing every psi-talent in its path.
Mike: Say, all brains operate on EMP waves, so it should have affected everyone, right?
Big John: Maybe the rest of them don't utilize EMP waves. Notice telepatic M doesn't get psi blasted.
Crow: Then how could their brains function? Maybe it's the same way that women don't have a time of the month in the Marvel Universe.
Big John: Yea, I can't picture any of these Generation X babes saying: "I'm bloated, I'm cramping, I'm retaining water ... LEAVE ME ALONE!"
Mike: Oh heaven's sake! That's it. Leave. Now.
Big John: But that joke wasn't even that bad!
Mike: Call it the straw that broke the camel's back.

(Grumbling, Big John gets up and exits.)
Crow: What innocent mind are you talking about, Mike?
Mike: He was beginning to get on my nerves, okay?
Crow: You've really been up here too long. Or maybe he's reminding you of the one thing you miss the most.
Mike: Do you want to join him out there!?
> Caption: Even those who acquired their power by alien means.
Crow: Geez, she's only been in two issues, and already they're changing her powers around.
Mike: That ought to tell you how strong a character she is.
Crow: Maybe she's turning into a dark Bianca LaNiege.
Mike: That would make her Snow Gray, right?
Crow: Onto page 14 now.

(Suddenly the comic snaps off the screen they were reading it off, and the theater opens) Mike and Crow: What the hell?
Gypsy (from off panel): We have an incoming communication.
Crow: Oh well, who are we to argue? Lets get outta here!
(Door Sequence)
(Back on the Bridge. Pearl looks even madder than usual.)
Pearl: And exactly what did you do to Big John?
Mike: He's got a libido the size of the universe. I threw him out. I guess he wandered off into the satellite somewhere.
Pearl: He goes back with you. Now.
Mike: You've got to be kidding me!
Pearl: Let's put it another way Nelson. Bring him back now or the oxygen goes off. Everywhere!
(Very reluctantly, Mike goes off. A few seconds later there's a crash and a yell. A few seconds more and he's back, dragging Big John and looking irritated.)
Mike: And stay out of my room! It took me ages to get all of that Elvis plate collection! Pearl wants to talk to you.
Big John: By the way, you should find a better hiding place for that magazine.
Pearl: Well, are you starting to learn your lesson, Big John?
Big John: Yes mistress Pearl. I promise to be a good boy from now on.
Pearl: You say it but you don't mean it. I said you were going to stay in that hell hole for two weeks, and I meant it. I teleported you there to teach you a lesson.
Big John: Please, Mistress Pearl, I didn't mean to -
Pearl (Interrupts): Shut up! And as for you, Mike, you will have to keep him there! This is as much his punishment as it is yours.
(Pearl ends her communication.)

Mike & Crow (simultaneously): Oh God no...
Big John (Brightly): So where were we?
(Door Sequence)
Crow: Page 14.

> Ronee: Oooh! Coming on strong, huh?
Mike: This guy is fainting on top of you and all you can say is 'coming on strong?'
Crow: It amazes me that she has so little care for him now that he's in trouble.
Big John: And Oooh? I haven't seen this much moaning by a woman since the classic porno flick "Pump Me Up XIV."
Mike: Big John! Not again...
Crow: I wonder if Hama used to write porno?
Big John: It's about the same quality.
Mike: I said stop it with the libido and I mean it!! You're beginning to influence Crow.
Big John: I'm not bad, I'm just programmed that way.
Crow: You believe I need influencing? Oh Mike, Mike, Mike...
BIg John: Oh, are you already that way?
> Unknown dwarf: Hey! What happened to Bianca? She just, like, crushed Stinky and Windy!
Mike: Say, weren't Stinky and Windy standing in front of her before hand?
Crow: Sure were.
Crow: At least the three of them are spared Hama's dialogue for awhile.
Mike: Why doesn't Stinky just take a shower?
Crow: But I tell you what, If a babe like Bianca was on top of me, I wouldn't want her off.
Big John: Atta boy, you're learning.
Mike: Do you want me to throw you out as well!?
Crow: Geez, sorry. Page 16.

> Synch: Woah! Emma just, like, fainted!
Crow: Woah, Ev just, like, spent way too much time with Jubilee. And look at Banshee in that panel. He's bending a golf club without having the superhuman strength to do so.
Mike: Are you sure it's not just a cheap golf club?
Crow: Believe me, if it was, it wouldn't work very well.
Mike: Maybe it works better now that he's bent it up.
Crow: Well, the plot and dialogue haven't worked better.
> Husk: Hey! You get off her right now!
> Ronee: Spoilsport!
Crow: Oh, so first she hates it, now she likes it.
Mike: I wish she'd make up her mind.
Big John: Well, if she was on top of me...
Mike: Finish that sentence and I'll make you rust.
Crow: Onto page 16.

> Dwarf: She's out like a light! Now's out chance! Let's bash her brains in!
Big John: Well, if I was there and she was unconscious, I'd -
Mike: Cut it out, Big John. They're just desperate to get out of this horrific storyline. I give up. You just can't keep your mind out of your pants.
Big John: I can't help it. I was originally programmed to be a pleasurebot to Pearl.
Mike: Good God.
Crow: Heh. No wonder she's acting so bad.
Big John: I resent that!
> Dwarf: No! All the extrapolations for the reality thread where Bianca's life force is nullified lead to a future where we are stuck in these disgusting forms forever!
Crow: You managed to work out all the infinite number of realities that this act could lead to in *that* short a time?
Big John: I still say they should go for it. Hey, gang bangs can be fun!
Mike (ignoring Big John): "There are an infinite number of realities out there ..." One of them has got to lead to their turning back to normal. The laws of probability say so.
Crow: "This alternate reality stuff makes my head spin." -Brit-Man #65, in Excalibur #47. One last thing. The psi plane is destroyed, so why is Chamber still around? They told us he was composed purely of psionic energy.
Mike: Let's not get into that dead and resurrected thing again. Page 17.

> Ronee: He's some kind of freak!
Mike: Oh, so NOW you figure that out.
Crow: I thought only guys really get blinded by raging hormones.
Big John: Well, if women do, I want to meet 'em!
Mike: Even if she looks like a cross between Bella Abzug and Roseanne?
Big John: Well, maybe not her ...
> Owner of minigolf course: You're not gonna sue, are ya? Hey whatchoo doin'to that club, bub?
Big John: Can you say lawsuit? The X-people are loaded, man! Go for millions in damages!
Mike: Just what we need, another lawsuit clogging up the courts.
> Husk: You've got some nerve flirting with townie girls!
Mike: Turn back to page 3. Didn't she say: "I hadn't noticed that my brand was on his rump, Monet?"
Crow: She loves him, she doesn't love him ... I wish she'd make up her mind.
Big John: And it didn't look like Chamber was strongly encouraging Betsy and Ronee either.
> Husk: What do you have to say for yourself?
Crow: "HELP! Someone's changed my eye color!" That's what I'd say.
Mike: Yea, and aren't Jubilee's eyes supposed to be blue as well?
Big John: They haven't been blue in years.
Crow: Well, according to the Handbook, they're supposed to be blue. Now, page 20.

> Minigolf owner: "You definitely got some chairs missing from your dinette set ..."
Mike: And if you can swallow all of this, you probably have the whole dinette set missing.
Crow: Ah, another page of outlines. Again the artist was behind a bit. Never you mind that last issue was a throw-in because someone missed a deadline.
> Minigolf owner: "Something ain't right here!"
Mike: Oh, it took you THIS long to notice?
Crow: Yea, something isn't right ... the script for starters ... Why is Chamber still spewing psionic energy when there's supposed to be none left?
> Skin: "When was the last time you saw an optometwist?"
Mike: Ah, a proud graduate of the Dan Quayle School of spelling.
Big John: Hey, this owner gets his shirt magically mended here.
Mike: Maybe he's a mutant too.
Crow: Maybe he borrowed Silkworm's powers? Page 22 now.

> Banshee: "Let's get out of dodge, kids ... methinks we've upset the status quo sufficiently for one afternoon."
Crow: "Get out of dodge?" and "Methinks?" Someone's mixing up his metaphoric origins here.
Mike: Hey, what can you expect from Hama?
Crow: Well, he does have Banshee using a Western US metaphor.
Big John: I think that's the first time someone has used methinks in regular conversation in over 300 years.
Mike: Gee, first Jeepers then methinks.
Crow: O.k., a big spaceship lands on their roof, and leaves no traces there. Surely there would have been some landing gear pattern markings on it, right?
Big John: And all that smoke that we see the panel before magically vanishes in a matter of seconds too.
Mike: Nice to see the aliens are environmentally conscious. Then again,most aliens leave no traces that they've been here, except for someone who comes off sounding like a deranged lunatic.
Crow: Page 23 now.

> Banshee: "This wee excursion just might bring the prying eyes o'authority down on our heads, Emma!"
Crow: Oh, and all that stuff that's been going on at the academy hasn't yet? Just where was Authier when Emplate was causing such a mess back a few issues ago?
Big John: And what about when Tracy stole some stuff from the Academy?
Mike: He was probably busy raising Tracy. Or at Snow Valley's Doughnut shop.
> Synch: That driver --it's Gaia!
Mike: How can you tell? When you first see her, she's got her face covered!
Crow: Not only that, she had blonde hair back in issues #38-39.
Big John: What amazes me is how that stop sign managed to stay erect while the car hit it with enough force to break the car up.
Crow: Must be a very cheap car. Even though it's supposed to be made by Ferrari.
Big John: Hey, it's one of those "babe magnet" cars.
Crow: Isn't Gaia II too young to be driving a car anyway?
Mike: Yea, and how did get her licence?
Big John: A correspondence course, maybe?
Crow: Well, onto page 22.

> Banshee: Gaia ... she's a mutant with psi-powers!
Big John: But in issue 39 it says her only power was to turn on the universal amalgamator.
Crow: And if her power was psionically based, wouldn't have M-Plate been able to turn on the amalgamator itself?
> Authier: I'm not quite senile yet, young lady.
Big John: But I'm beginning to think the writer is!
Crow: Hama's not that old yet.
Mike: He writes like he is, though. Maybe his senility is premature?
Big John: Alzheimers!
> Authier: "I've been keeping an eye on you ever since your weird pre-fab house appeared last week ... That thing looks like Pablo Picasso designed it after too much sangria!"
Big John: I think Hama had too much to drink before writing this.
Mike: Say, didn't the neighbors notice that house suddenly appearing? And why didn't they call the police?
Crow: Ever see TV Nation?
Mike: No, what does that have to do with this?
Crow: They had a story about this guy they hired to act like a psycho killer and moved into a house. They played random gunfire, had him with a backhoe and burying weird smelling 55 gallon drums in his front and back yard, and played sounds of people screaming and suffering. NOBODY called the police.
Big John: I'm glad I'm a fictional character and don't have to live in that neighborhood.
Crow: And there goes the fourth wall again...
> Skin: That house screams alien dimension!
Mike: So she's been to the future, been to an alien dimension, where hasn't she been?
Big John: Some place where they can get decent writing.
Mike: So she's been to a lot of places, hm? Travel broadens the mind, they say.
Crow: If she's so smart, why is she in Generation X?
Big John: Maybe she's got a thing for Synch.
Crow: If that was true, why didn't she make her house near the academy?
> White Queen: "The girl is probably a powerful telekinetic ... she can materialize matter out of thin air!
Mike: I thought telekinesis meant that you could move objects with your mind, not make something suddenly appear.
Crow: That's the definition that Marvel usually goes by. For some reason, they don't do it here.
> Authier: "I've got the "sight" too --"
John: Since when was Chief Authier telepathic?
Crow: Since now, even though for some weird reason, he got it just to lose it.
All (Simultaneiously): A dark Chief Authier! Good Lord, when will it end!?
Mike: I feel sorry for Tracy then. I'd hate to have a father that could read my mind. Then they'd know who spilled the kool-aid when I was three.
Big John: Well, they know that now, Mike.
Mike: Oops.
Crow: While we're on Authier's telepathy, why didn't the White Queen sense he was telepathic?
Big John: Lost in hormones?
Mike: Not every babe is like Ronee and Betsy there.
Big John: I wish they were.
Crow: I do too. I haven't had a relationship since Clinton was elected president.
Big John: Clinton's got all the babes. Elizabeth Ward Gracen, Hillary Rodham Clinton, Gennifer Flowers, and Monica Lewinsky.
Mike: Chelsea?
Crow: Chelsea's his daughter! Let's get to page 24.

> Queen: "Are you saying you're psychic or something?"
Big John: Ooh, I love it when they play coy.
Crow: O.k., let's assume for the moment that Chief Authier is telepathic.How would he be able to keep that a secret in a town like Snow Valley, which is supposed to be small?
Mike: Is that "mother" written on Authier's name tag?
Crow: I think it's supposed to be "M. Authier."
Mike: Looks like mother to me.
Big John: So what does the M stand for?
Crow: Beats me.
Mike: Can you believe this deal? She causes considerable property damage and the Chief gives her a slap on the wrist! She has a probably stolen car and home, and he puts her in the care of the Generation X people!
Crow: He's sentencing her to be in the next several issues. I know it would be torture for me.
Mike: Egads! Trapped in a terrible comic book with no way out! That's a fate worse than death!
Crow: Well, it beats getting killed and being resurrected over and over.
> Gaia: "I was only trying to have fun! Honest!"
Big John: Well, I could show you some ways to have fun ...
Mike: I said cut that out! She's a minor.
Crow: Better enjoy that fun while you can, Gaia II. It's gonna be a long time before you have any more. Onto page 26.

> Queen: "My power --it's gone."
Mike: And you're letting her drive without her powers?
Crow: She can drive without her superhuman powers.
Big John: She did a better job than Gaia II did.
> Gaia II: "I've been trying and trying and nothing happens anymore!"
Mike: If she had any sense, she'd be trying to get out of this series and into one with better dialogue.
Crow: I'd run away as fast as I could too.
> Husk: "And poor Jono can't "talk" like he used to!"
Crow: So now he's "poor Jono."
Mike: She wasn't that nice to him a few minutes ago.
> Banshee: "Ye Gods! Something has wiped out all the psi-powers! What're the repercussions of this gonna be?"
Crow: Well, so far, it's been bad dialogue and unbelievable plot lines.
Mike: Are psi powers gonna come back?
Crow: Well, in the Marvel Universe, nothing says dead for very long.
Big John: Then continuity will be back someday?
Crow: One can only hope, Big John. Page 28 next.

> Bianca: "Think you little twits can get away with trying to eighty-six me while I'm out cold, eh?"
Mike: I thought she lost her telepathy. How did she find out about this?
Big John: I certainly wouldn't have told her.
Mike: Maybe the psi powers are coming back now.
Crow: So why doesn't she use them on those dwarfs?
> Warpy: "She is like really hard to take!"
Mike: So is this plot and dialogue.
Crow: Frankly, anything associated with Hama is hard to take.
> Warpy: "Maybe I should shunt her off into another dimension where the food is bad and the taxes are high."
Big John: Well, if you do, could you take Hama along?
Mike: Heck, take everyone except the Dodsons!
> Stinky: "I don't wanna have to smell myself like this for the rest of my life!"
Mike: So take a bath for Pete's sake! Are you gonna melt in water or something?
Crow: Stinky isn't the only thing that smells around here.
Big John: They should bring the team of Lobdell and Bachalo back.
Crow: But Lobdell left Marvel forever! His career with Marvel is dead!
Big John: But in the Marvel Universe, nothing stays dead for long, right?
Mike: Dream on, Big John.
Crow: Well, it's the last page.

Mike: THANK GOD!!!
> Elsie-Dee: "Something sheared off the port power pod!"
Big John: What happened? Why didn't they see each other before they hit each other?
Mike: Don't they have radar on that spaceship?
Crow: You'd think a spacefaring race would have developed radar.
> Elsie-Dee: "Gowwy, Albert! I weally think we hit something back there ..."
Mike: Gowwly, guys. Elsie-Dee can't make up her mind which sound is the one she can't pronounce.
Big John: Both sounds were in Albert, and she pronounced that just fine ...
Crow: Not surprised. There's a number of examples of characters losing their accents. Rogue loses her southern accent in several places.
Mike: Just what does this plotline with Elsie Dee and Albert have to do with anything?
Crow: It's a cheap sales boosting device. You'd have to buy several more issues of Generation X to find out.
Big John: They sure have stretched this Bianca plot out quite a bit. And it's still not done yet.
Mike: It's gone on longer than it should have.
Crow: The house of ideas certainly is running out of them.
Big John: Albert and Elsie-Dee sure don't seem concerned that their plane is on fire.
Mike: And Albert doesn't seem to notice it.
Crow: Well, there you have it. Generation X #42.
Mike: And frankly, you can keep it.
(Door Sequence)

(The Bridge.)

Pearl: So, what did you think of Generation X #42?
Mike: I've never seen such a foul cesspool that tries to pass itself off as a quality comic book. But you'll never break us, Pearl. Do you hear me!? Never!
Crow and Big John: Yeah!
Pearl (grits her teeth): Curse you, Nelson! But just you wait, I'm gonna send something even worse next time!