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THE WILLS OF GENERATION X Pt. 5: Paige written by Kairi "Shadow Sage" Taylor
The
Wills Of Generation X-Paige
By
Kairi Taylor
Disclaimer:
I don’t.
Lately,
I’ve noticed that whenever any of the team members mention Paige, they have
quite a few negative things to say. I have nothing against Paige, as she’s a
very helpful person…but hey, SOMEONE has kinda screwed up many times in the
past. I mean COME ON, Tristian? What was the writer on? Anyway, here’s her
will. Since I like the idea, all dialogue will be in italics.
The
Last Will & Testament Of Paige Guthrie
Howdy
y’all! Well, I’ve finally gone to that great Danger Room in the sky. As I laugh
at your misfortune of losing me (Yes, you read right!) I leave you with a few
thoughts & items to remember my glory by.
Jubilee:
GROW UP!! I tire of hearing you complain about my morning workouts. Yet, you’re
a better gymanist than me. How can such an immature, sugar crazed, low self
esteem mallrat such as yourself be in as good shape as me? You know something
else, all that stuff about being in the X-Men really pissed me off too. OK, so
you were in the X-Men, so you faced off with nefarious super villains, I GET
IT!!! No wonder they sent you here. There’s a reason why I’LL be the next
leader of the X-Men. I leave you with all my school books. Like you really
would use them anyway…
Jubilee:
Kairi, are you still trying to learn that ‘Resurrection spell? ‘Cause I just
thought up of five reasons why you don’t need to resurrect HER!!
Kairi:
Bear with it.
Jono:
All I can say is this….HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! TRISTIAN GOT TO THIRD BASE WITH ME
& YOU DIDN’T!!! TAKE THAT YOU BROODING ENGLISH BASTARD!!! Just to let you
know, upon becoming the next leader of the X-Men, your Prodigy worshiping ass
would have been kicked out of the team in the first second! I leave you with my
picture I took with Tristian at our most romantic date. Ha, suck on that!!
Jono:
< If there is a God, she would not be in Heaven when I die>
Monet:
Agreed.
Monet:
Look, little miss perfect, if you thought you were better than me in any way
shape or form, you are SO sadly mistaken. My intelligence is far more advanced
than yours. I have more leadership qualities in my pinkie toe than you. At
least my family is not as dysfunctional as yours. I leave you with some guest
seats on Jerry Springer.
Monet:
This is becoming more of a ego trip than a final statement.
Kairi:
You should see what she wrote to Sean & Emma
Sean
& Emma: I cannot imagine a worse pairing of parents than you two. Little
H.C. will be severely warped beyond repair with you two. Although she has no
chance of being the next leader of the X-Men like me, she does seem to have her
future set…with Hideo. KAIRI’S son. I fear for her. I leave you two with
nothing but for H.C….some advice: DON’T EVER BECOME AS SCREWED UP AS YOUR
PARENTS OR YOUR FUTURE FATHER IN LAW!!
Emma:
Spiteful little gnome, wasn’t she?
Kairi:
Well, I won’t be using this anytime soon. (Throws out spellbook.)
Angelo:
I know you & Nabiki were selling pictures of me in the shower, you
perverted bastard. Let’s just say that any chance of you ever becoming a leader
(like myself) is like Kairi getting hitched to Yuffie: IT AIN’T FUCKING
HAPPENING!! You get nothing. Yes, puissant, NOTHING!!!
Angelo:
Why that blonde…
Yuffie:
Where’d I put that shovel at? I think that we should bury her…AT MOUNT
TRASHMORE!!!
Ranma:
Some advice: JUST SHUT UP. Do Akane a favor & don’t even open your mouth.
You’ll be doing yourself (& everyone else) a favor if you just SHUT THE
HELL UP!!
Ranma:
I’m sensing a huge ego trip here.
Tenchi:
Get a clue & pick Kiyone! She’s level headed, career minded & best of
all SHE ISN’T AS BITCHY AS RYOKO & AYEKA!!!
Ryoko:
Yuffie, about that idea…I’M WITH YOU (Holds up shovel along with Ayeka)
Ayeka:
Likewise.
Yuffie
& Ukyo: Trust me, Kairi is so insecure he couldn’t hold a girls hand
without going into cardiac arrest. Leave that weenie alone & get a real
man! He’s a stupid writer, for God’s sake!! He has no real desirability at all.
CHOOSE SOMEONE ELSE!!!
Yuffie:
How about no? (grabs Kairi.)
Ukyo:
Someone needs her prozac.
Kairi:
Fuck off. You get nothing from me especially after what you did to Tristian. I
seriously hope you get over that fear of women you have. While we’re at it,
stop dropping all sorts of blunt objects on Tristian. Angelo is a far better
target. And do let up on all those cursewords. In addtion…
Kairi:
Why the fuck does her words to me go on for 81 pages?! What did I ever do to
her?
Jubilee:
Beats me. But shit, all of this talk in your section about being next leader of
the X-Men…I’m surprised her swelled head fit in this coffin!
Monet:
She’s almost as bad as Wufei.
Wufei:
INJUS---
Monet:
Shut up.
Tristian:
As the only man who has ever nearly scored with me, I leave you with some
advice---GE THE FUCK OUTTA THERE RIGHT NOW!! ALL THOSE LUNATICS ARE GONNA KILL
YOU!! RUN MUTHAFUCKER RUN LIKE A CRACKHEAD ON SPEED DRINKING 20 GALLONS OF
COFFEE!!
Tristian
(Sees Kairi & Jubilee armed with guns.): SHIT!! (Jumps out of window.)
Kairi:
Did he know the office was on the 78th floor of this building?
Jubilee:
Guess not.
I
wish to buried with my dear Fluppy. Because quite frankly none of you bastards
are worthy of touching him. All of my uniforms will be displayed in the guild
so that everyone will know what a future leader should wear. Well, until we see
each other again, which hopefully is a very, EXTREMELY long ways off.
Kairi:
You know there’s a moral for this.
Jubilee:
You mean specify whether or not you wish to be buried or cremated?
Monet:
Exactly. Jubilee, get the flamethrower!
Up Next: The rest!!
