Gee, does anyone ever wonder if Monet would ever give stuff away, even AFTER she kicks the bucket…Oh well. Anyway, they’re not mine; beware of OOC, et cetera, et cetera.

The Last Will & Testament of Monet St. Croix

Yes, as hard to believe it as it is, absolute perfection can & will cease to exist. Now, I know how deeply saddened you all must be at my demise, but then again, it was for your own good. It was extremely hard for you to live up to all the things I have achieved, but now your standards will have to be put at a more accessible level. I will now address all that is to be given to my dear friends & family.

Jubilee: I rather enjoyed our little rivalry. It was just so CUTE seeing you try to compete with me with everything I do, which I always seemed to win at…with the exception of your extremely childish pranks of course. But in the end I did win Everett’s heart in 2/3 of the time it took for you to even get him to acknowledge you were attractive. Ah well…still I did find you attractive in your own way (I guess it would be a moot point to reveal now that I am bisexual) {Author’s note: Hey, I warned you about OOC, don’t even consider trying to flame me!} I leave you with all of my designer clothes & a host of servants to tend to your dressing needs. I want at least one pleasant sight of you a day while I’m in the afterlife.

Paige: Are you daft woman? Letting Tristian take advantage of you like that? There are FAR superior choices in men than that twit, believe me. However, your actions after that situation leave me rather in shock at your ineptitude to handle the crisis properly. In other words, to paraphrase something my dear Jubilee said in a Capcom Vs. SNK match against Mai: "YOU DUMB FUCKING WHORE!!!" Who knows what other blunders you would have made in other situations? Next Leader of The X-Men my Algerian ass! I leave you with a copy of ‘The Art of War’ by Sun Tzu. MAYBE you could learn to be as good a tactical warrior as me.

Angelo: I really can’t believe the lack of rhythm you’ve shown at that dance. I wasn’t too embarrassed by your dance moves however, but your attire is well…pitiful. In addition, I believe you have spent far too much time with Nobiyuki-san. Believe me, a lecher like him will get his comeuppance one way or another. I leave you with some of my own personal cars & a copy of ‘Dating for Dummies’. I would have given them to Kairi, but after assessing his situation, I’ve realized you need it more.

Jono: Always brooding, always quiet. I leave you with $90,000, more than enough funds to start your own band. A person with your talent & good graces needs to get out more. You’re almost as quiet as Trowa Barton, which is an amazing feat in itself.

Sean & Emma: I leave you two with a mansion in Maine. Now Mrs. Frost-Cassidy, I know you have your own estates, but the one I have given to you is far bigger & much more splendid than your choices in living arrangements. Besides, not only does little H.C. deserve a some space to play in, you need to run somewhere & hide when Sean plays his ‘Riverdance’ CDs. Enclosed is a blueprint of all the secret passages available.

Akane: Friend, I beg of you, please stop breaking furniture over Ranma-san’s cranium. Not every word that comes out of his mouth is an insult. I leave you with an enrollment alongside Jubilee & Kairi in an anger-management class. All three of you are potential time bombs & the costs of replacing furniture has increased significantly with your rather violent tendencies.

Tenchi: Pick Sasami. Otherwise, I have left you with your own apartment in Tokyo.

Kairi: Not that many writers I’ve met are as, well unique as you. That is, not that many fanfic writers are violent tempered, scared of women, cursed by Jusenkyo water & gets hurt in some bizarre fashion. My only hope is that you finally become organized & go out with Yuffie. Any other sane male would have gone out with a girl who has shown an interest in you…but then again you are a paradox yourself. I leave you with all the anime I have collected over the years-you know, Sailor Moon, Card Captor Sakura, Magic Knight Rayearth (Yes I did collect other anime besides these Kairi, but those three were my favorite. A complete alphabetical list of my collection is in my desk drawer.) Oh yes, I read a copy of Jubilee’s will. I give you a mission: KILL TRISTIAN! That is all.

Yuffie: I believe you should ease up on your stalking. On numerous occasions, Kairi has muttered ‘Omae O Korosu’ to the McDonald’s clerks & has spent far more time typing at laptops & wearing shorts. You might want to ask Relena for stalking tips. Otherwise, I leave you with a Victorian mansion that you & Kairi will live in. I have a strange feeling your father will convince him to marry you anyway….

Tristian: You remind me of Dorothy Catalonia-calculating, mischief causing, and blond. However, while I rather enjoy her company, with you all I can say is I WISH DOROTHY WOULD HAVE STABBED YOU INSTEAD OF POOR QUATRE! GO TO HELL YOU FUCKING TWAT!!! I leave you with these words-‘Au Revoir’ As of right know Jubilee should be behind you with a chainsaw…

To My Wonderful Sisters: I leave you with a detailed plan on how to effectively torture Larry Hama. After how he screwed up our roles, I believe you two have earned a role in his punishment.

To My Brother Marius St. Croix All I can say is this: SEE YOU IN HELL YOU MOTHER MURDERING BASTARD! Washu should be next to you with a shotgun in 3,2,1….

All my money will be given to my favorite charities. Yes, I can be giving too, damn it. As for my other items, donate them to H.C or someone, as long as Paige doesn’t get her hands on them. Give all of my Indigo Girls CDs to Jubilee. (One last mind game before I die, tee hee.) Until I see you all again in the afterlife (But all the same, I’d rather not see Paige & Tristian.)