This was inspired by Kaen-Chan’s ‘The Wills of the Gundam Pilots’, a very funny series of stories. What follows is what certain individuals would possibly write in their last testaments to their buddies. This will follow the ‘No Need For Hama!’ continuity as well. So enjoy. Oh, yes, there WILL be OOC aplenty.

The Last Will & Testament of Jubilation Lee

Yo!! If you’re reading this, than it’s most likely that I’m pushing up daisies!! Yeah, like I’ll stay dead for long if Marvel’s got any say in this. But then again, those assholes killed off Ev…Ah hell with them. Well, anyhoo, what follows is my last thoughts to my fellow numbsk---er teammates, as well as what to do with my stuff.

Jono- A piece of advice…GET OVER THAT BLOND BITCH ALREADY!!! C’mon dude you’re taking this WAY too seriously. If Paige is stupid enough to get involved with that asshole, then she deserves whatever God has in store for her. Dude you’re talented at the guitar, girls totally dig you (even though you have half a face) & you got kick ass powers. If I wasn’t already dating Ryoga, I’d bed ya in a second!! I leave you all my Korn music CD’s as well as my secret stash of detailed pranks you could pull on Paige.

Paige- TRISTIAN FUCKING BRAWN?! WHAT THE HELL KIND OF GODDAMN MARIJUANA WERE YOU SMOKING?! The mook blackmails us to get a date with you, his grand pappy killed my parents & you still wanna kiss him!! Next leader of the X-Men my Chinese ass. Oh yes, do you remember all those times you woke me up to the tunes of your 5 in the morning workout? I ‘really’ appreciated it. I leave you with nothing. Yes, NOTHING…wait that’s too cruel. You get the video of me placing live fire ants in Tristian’s gloves.

Angelo- If there was one word that I could use to describe you, it’s lacking. Yes, the truth is your wardrobe sucks tremendous ass. Don’t let me remind you of that outfit you wore to the dance awhile back with Monet. Damn doesn’t even begin to describe it. I leave you with a credit card with a $5000 limit and a wardrobe I picked out myself. Trust me.

Monet- I will not use the word ‘bitch’ to describe you. That is because attached to this will is my thesis to Frosty on why you are a manipulative, self absorbing bitch. It’s 30 pages long. I can’t believe you ended up with Ev. I feel sorry for him; the last girl he ever kissed & it had to be your ice-cold lips. Dear God I pray you didn’t seduce him. I leave you with the book I wrote that should be published soon-‘How To Get That 10 Foot Stick Out Of Your Ass.’

And to the rest of our pals who are reading this.

Ranma- I think it’s obvious that you & Akane love each other. But for the love of all things holy, THINK before you open you mouth. I doubt very much you enjoy being launched into the atmosphere or enjoy being walloped by various pieces of furniture, but calling the girl you love a tomboy, as well as various other names, don’t help. I leave you with a lifetime supply of First Aid Kits, as well as a list of how to pacify Akane-you’ll need it.

Tenchi-Here’s a piece of advice-PICK RYOKO. She’s more than qualified to be your girlfriend—I mean let’s face it how many times has she saved your life? Besides, if you do not pick her, she will SO kick your puny ass. I leave you with a book of love poems & a Toyota. You know, to give you a head start in case you don’t listen to my advice.

Yuffie- I’m begging you girl, STOP STALKING KAIRI !! You’re almost as bad as Relena Peacecraft!! I’m pretty sure that if Kairi got a hold of Gundam Wing Zero 1 & you said ‘Why won't you come & kill me?’ he’ll shoot you without batting an eye. For God’s sake, he’s already started saying ‘Omae O Korosu’ to Angelo!!! He's also started talking in a monotone voice & every time he completes a story he says 'Mission Complete' ….I leave you with some Prozac & a pamphlet called ‘Why Stalking The One You Love Is A Bad Thing’.

Kairi- You've actually done more good things for me than bad…almost. Don't let me remind you of the incident with those damn zombies. Anyway, some advice-DATE. Dating's good, trust me. Any other guy would be happy that a cute girl is after them. YOU, on the other hand….let's just say a certain someone who shall remain nameless started a rumor that you're rather fruity---OK, put the mallet down & leave Angelo alone. Also, learn to stop resolving 85% of your problems with swift & blinding violence. You're just as bad as Akane. I leave you with my Dreamcast, all my games & my pet Pichu. Use these gifts well. And pick a girl for God's sake.

Tristian- There is one regret I have-not killing your pasty white pimply ass when I had the chance!! WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?!? Just when Paige & Jono were about to try to resolve their problems, YOU came in. There's other ways of getting a girl to go out with you, shit for brains! Goddamnit, if Sean allowed us to totally kill anyone who learned we are mutants, I would have ripped your intestines out & sold them as sausages on the black market. Anyway, DO NOT go near my casket. STAY AWAY from my grave. I leave your punk ass with one thing-a piece of celery. Well ok, if my plan came through 'Heero' Taylor should be behind you with a shotgun aimed at your head right now….

As for my jacket & sunglasses, I wish them to be displayed at the guild so that everyone can see what a kick ass hero should wear. My roller blades on the other hand will be destroyed immediately, along with my permanent records. I'll be damned if Emma spends the rest of her life gloating over my bad grades. That's all. Until I see you again one day (If I'm lucky, certain people will end up in Hell with Tristian instead of me.) Adios!!

Stay tuned for the Will Of Jonothon Starsmore!!!