Ok, ok, I don't own 'em. Also, beware of OOC. Anyway, it'll be quite interesting to see what our favorite Latin hero has got to leave to our heroes. Any dialogue that you see is in italics.

The Last Will & Testament Of Angelo Espinosa

-------------------------------------

Hola mi amigos! Looks like it'll be a permanent Dias de los Muertos for me!! I'm betting it was most likely Kairi who did me in. Damn my luck. Well, while I ascend to the gates of heaven to talk with ol' St. Peter, here's what I'm gonna leave to my amigos!!

Jubilee: Girl, you're about as cool as they come. But you've got to lay off the sugar. Seriously. The day you drank 3 whole bottles of Mountain Dew, with all the shit you caused, Emma's hair turned into so many different shades of gray. But those pranks you pulled on Monet & Paige was totally priceless. (But I think M's totally into you. I have a gut feeling she 'swings for both leagues', ok?) I leave you with all my tunes & my Atari. SOMEONE can appreciate my Latino funk.

Paige: I leave you with my old broken gun. MAYBE if you're smart like they say you are, you'll have enough sense to rebuild it & blow Tristian's fucking brains out. Did it ever occur to you chica that compromising our secret identities for a hot date with the 'Blond Weasel' might actually be a stupid thing to do? You could have tried to make up with Jono but NO, you wanted to tick it to him. Besides, who died & made you team captain? Monet & Everett made far more intelligent suggestions than you could think of in five days. Next Leader Of The X-Men my Latino ass.

Jono: Let me tell you one little secret-I FUCKING HATE OASIS! I hate hearing Oasis when you play it while we study & I really fucking hate it when you put it on when we're trying to sleep. I leave you with a membership to the 'Enrico Iglesias Fan Club', so that you'll have an idea of what REAL music should sound like (Author's Note: I think Jono would go postal at this juncture.)

Monet: You are one complex chica. I knew you were smart, I knew you could possibly kick Sabretooth's ass from here to Timbuktu, but getting over Ev…by falling for Jubilee!! I kinda saw it coming…like I said I've got radar for this sorta thing. OK, so I also read your diary & read about all those dreams you had about Jubes. And tape-recorded your conversations at night with Emma. But still…I leave you with some designer jeans & some Birkenstocks. Don't ask where I got the socks, just take them, damn it.

Monet: Say, Kairi, did you ever learn that 'Resurrection' spell?

Kairi: Uh, not yet. Why

Monet: Just wondering.

Sean: I leave you with a book of my favorite nursery rhymes to read to H.C. at night. Gringo, I've seen you get up in the middle of the night before. The last thing anyone needs to see is a bloodshot Irish man awake in the middle of the night. It is not a pretty sight.

Ranma: I leave you with a few cars that I've got leftover. With how you regularly insult your fiancée, you'll need a head start. Of course, with her demeanor, she'll probably just outrun the fucking car. In that case, it's your problem, not mine.

Tenchi: PICK MIHOSHI!! For God's sake, look at her. She's hot man. Ok, so her ability to cause random disasters kinda sucks, but look at who you're living with!! I leave you with my best-looking duds for wooing the ladies. You REALLY need them.

Tenchi: (Looks over suits) Jubilee, if you will…

Jubilee: Already ahead of you (takes out lighter)

Yuffie: I think you & Kairi could work out great---that is if you could possibly try to look over the fact that he's kind of terrified of dating, as well as the fact that he's uttered the words 'Omae o Korosu' to me several times. However, I won't tell you what I left you quite yet. It's a surprise. Hee Hee…..

Tristian: Do us all a favor…KILL YOURSELF YOU FUCKING MORON!! You helped break up the best couple I've seen in years, you think I'm gonna forgive you for that. I leave you with something I think you deserve--A SACK OF DEAD CHIHUAHUAS!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! SEE YOU IN HELL!!!!

(No actual Chihuahuas were killed in the making of this story.)

Kairi: Let's see…you've hit me with numerous blunt objects, sent me to the hospital numerous times, put me in the most embarrassing situations imaginable…oh did I forget the GODDAMNED JUSENKYO CURSE YOU PUT ON ME! So do you know what I did? After pulling a few strings & doing a few imitations…YOU ARE NOW OFFICIALLY MARRIED TO YUFFIE!!! HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Yuffie: YES! (Glomps onto Kairi)

Kairi: ANGELO YOU RAT BASTARD!!!

Jubilee: Well, what can you do, he's dead.

Kairi: Not if I got anything to say about it. (Pulls out spell book.)

As for the rest of my stuff, well give it to my mom. My uniform will be displayed on a wax figure so that all the ladies can see what a REAL smooth super hero looks like. Well, until we see each other again, adios!!

Kairi: MY ASS IT'S ADIOS! (Casts 'Resurrection'. Angelo rises from the coffin.)

Angelo: Whoa, I'm not dead!! Uh oh, that means…(looks at a glowering Kairi.)

Kairi: After all I've ever done…after all the times I've bailed you out of a jam…even AFTER I forgave you for the 'Onsen Incident'…THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME! (Takes out a large, glowing mallet with a skull drawn on it.)

Angelo: Uh, couldn't you let me stay dead!!

Kairi: AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED YOUR ASS IS FAR FROM DEAD!! PREPARE FOR FIVE YEARS OF MALLET INDUCED DAILY RETRIBUTION!!!!

Angelo: Ack!! (Runs quickly as Kairi gives chase.)

Jubilee: Somehow, I saw this coming a mile away.

Up next: Paige!!