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WEDDING DAY
(Or, How To Conduct A Wedding Even When All Hell Breaks Loose.)
written by
Kairi "S. Sage" Taylor

Disclaimer: I don't claim right to them, 'k? They are the copyrights of:
Assholes, Inc (aka Marvel)
Rumiko Takahashi
Pioneer
Capcom
Square Soft
SNK

Prologue: Pirate Space Station ZX19029
The remainder of the space pirates held their plasma rifles level at the
small door separating the docking bay from the rest of the demolished
station. Fear was slowly overtaking them. They always prepared for
invasions, be it from rival pirates, the Galaxy Police or even the Juraian military. Unfortunately, the foe that was presently chasing them was well, to be quite honest, more powerful than they expected.
It had happened so quickly. The crew of the ship 'Shine-Tsu-Hiko'were gearing up to meet with a group of Skrull pirates. Then, out of nowhere, a wave of flames entered the main gathering area, killing about 75% of the crew immediately. That's when he floated in. The smile on his face was one of utter madness & no compassion as he proceeded to kill more of the pirates.
Moritsuna, the leader of the pirates, sweated heavily. He only had 5 men left, all armed with the strongest laser weapons that existed. As his men carefully held their aim at the door, he doubted that even those weapons could stop their stalker. Slowly a small mist drifted as a lone figure phased in, his body wrapped by a purple cloak. "I don't know who the hell you are," Moritsuna shouted, "But you've pissed off the wrong guy! We're the most powerful pirates in the galaxy & if you think for a minute that--"
"Save your speech." The voice was rather dry, but the intent of murder was not hidden very well. "If, by any chance, you believe that your Skrull friends will come to your aid, you are sadly mistaken. I've already killed them, but I accidentally destroyed their ship. Your ship will do, however. It's unfortunate I have no need of you, but I already have a crew standing by."
"Give up the Shine-Tsu-Hiko? NEVER!!!" The five pirate crewmembers all opened fire on the lone figure, bombarding him with intense laser blasts that would have melted anything. But they were effortlessly batted away as if they were mere flies. Then as they rushed in to attack, Moritsuna keeping his distance, the loner raised his hand. Before they could react, 5 small balls of energy was released at them, killing them instantly. Brandishing a light spear, Moritsuna stood his ground. "Damn you." he spat out as his foe smiled, pulling out a short sword, which glowed light green. Moritsuna growled & charged, tightly gripping his weapon. The figure swung his sword & a blast of green energy came at Moritsuna. Jumping over it, Moritsuna made a dive at his foe, gripping his weapon as he held it to his side. But suddenly, pain overtook him as the enemy swung at him. Though he
was no more than a foot from him, somehow, he managed to strike down
Moritsuna from the force of the swing alone. As he lay dying, Moritsuna heard his enemy say "You should be proud. You died at the hands of the new ruler of the universe. No one-be it the Skrulls, the Shi'ar or the most powerful empire in the universe, the Juraian family, can stop me."
"But...how..." Moritsuna slowly passed away as the loner said "But first a trip to Earth. There's a group of people there who stand in my way. I owe them all a special death."

Wedding Day(Or, How To Conduct A Wedding Even When All Hell Breaks Loose.)
by Kairi 'S. Sage' Taylor

"Don't ya ever sleep kid?"
Jubilee mumbled this as she sat in the rocking chair with little H.C. in her arms, who had finally managed to be lulled to sleep by the swaying motions of the rocking chair that Jubilee currently occupied. As H.C. peacefully went into slumber land, Jubilee sighed & whispered to herself "Is it me or has everything become too peaceful?"
At the moment, Sean & Emma were in the midst of enjoying a 1 month honeymoon (which I am rather loath of typing, seeing as I haven't the intestinal fortitude to even describe lovemaking in any detail.) The responsibilities of headmaster & headmistress went to Yosho & Washu. Right now, most of the other members of Generation X were out studying or training nearby. Leaving Jubes to look after the little wonder. I'm REALLY going to find some way of thanking Paige for sticking me with this gig, Jubilee thought to herself, bitterly regretting her teammates' lack of control in choosing to spend a study session, & possibly sharing spit with Tristan, over helping to take care of a cute, noisy, engaged little girl. 'So much for Hayseed, but I wonder how Ev's doing?'

Author's note: Yes, Ev is dead, but this takes place a few months before he dies, so bear with me...

Everett held his offensive position where he stood in the middle of the clearing. The tip of his bokken was pointed down towards the green leaf covered ground, his breathing relaxed. Keeping his eyes closed, the sounds of the softly blowing wind & water dripping behind him, he focused on a sign as to where his opponent would strike, keeping his hands steady. Fortunately, his senses did not fail him as he swiftly turned to his rear & raised his bokken diagonally & to his right as he parried the blow aimed for his head. Tenchi effectively dodged the two strikes that Ev lashed out with & countered with his own series of attacks. As the battle progressed, Yosho stood in the distance with Prof. Xavier. "I see that Everett's fighting ability has come along quite well now." Xavier noted. "His overall
responsive ability seems to have doubled."
"His ability to do armed & unarmed combat has been somewhat overlooked." Yosho commented. "However, young Everett's potential is greater than I anticipated, not just his physical abilities, but his mutant powers as well."
"How so?"
"I've had some thought on this for awhile. Over time mutants learn to control & harness the powers they have, some mastering them. But I believe that the gene that mutants have contains hidden attributes. Now, normal, everyday radiation initially triggers a mutant's power. But what if something else was to affect the gene, something rather supernatural. It could initiate a chain reaction in the cells. There may be anything from a moderate physical change to an increase of powers." Yosho explained.
"I see." Professor Xavier replied. "I have noticed that some young
mutants have been more powerful than I previously thought. Jonothon's
powers are certainly one example. Who else could possibly posses such
potential.?"
"Or what?" Yosho uttered, his eyes mysteriously gazing towards space as he felt a strong force coming to Earth.

Washu sat at Emma's desk, making the final adjustments to the upgrade of Emma's PC, while Ryo-Oh-Ki watched from atop her head. "There we go, another masterpiece complete!" Washu announced triumphantly. "Not only has the security grid been tremendously improved, I've also expanded the communications network to both the G.P. headquarters & Jurai. Pretty impressive what the Galaxy's number 1 genius can do when she's bored, eh Ryo-Oh-Ki?"
"Myeow!"
A light knocking came at the den's door. "It's ok, C'mon in." Washu replied. The door opened & Soun Tendo walked in with his usual, somewhat serious face. "Ah Soun, what brings you to the academy today? I trust it has nothing to do with Happosai. Again." she emphasized, as her way of reminding Soun of the incident involving Nobiyuki, Angelo & the aforementioned little pervert at the onsen (bathhouse).
"No, this isn't about the master. Well, not yet anyway." Soun began. "Rather, this has to do with Ranma & Akane. As you know, they're wedding is to be in a few days. Almost all of their current issues have been taking care of." Washu, intently listening, nodded in agreement as she recalled what has transpired over a period of time. Ryoga & Jubilee hit it off pretty well. Mousse & Mihoshi had become close (which DOES NOT automatically translate into intimate.) Unfortunately, the odds of unexplainable disaster with these two TOGETHER increased. (Washu's note: Pray to the heavens these
two do not have children.) Ukyo had decided to pursue a larger career in the restaurant business by deciding to make her okonomiyaki restaurant bigger at the year's end. She also seemed to have a better relationship with Kairi or 'Dude Who Is Seriously Cursed'.
(Just in case any of you start talking smack, all those in fan fiction who have NOT in any way, shape or form, written themselves having a relationship with their favorite anime character, & YES, that includes ANY Gundam pilot whose name happens to be Heero Yuy or Duo Maxwell, please speak up.)
(Thank you.)
Shampoo had decided to use her own methods to hunt down her own husband. Unfortunately, these methods dictated that her potential mate must be as strong as hr. So needless to say, many of the male faculty in Furinkan High who weren't verse in Amazon laws were hurt. Badly. Dr. Tofu's office saw a lot of patients lately thanks to Shampoo's efforts.
"Unfortunately, there is one obstacle that remains in the path of my daughter’s happiness." Soun said.
"The Kunos." Washu noted.
Unfortunately, both Tatewaki Kuno & his rather psychotic sister,
Kodachi, still set their sights on Ranma & Akane. No one wanted to go near them, seeing as how Kuno's bad poetry drove women to acts of attempted murder & Kodachi tended to paralyze her dates (I DON'T MEAN IN THAT KINDA WAY PERVERT!!!)
"It's too bad Kairi is still training in the mountains." Soun continued. "But for now, I request your aid in this matter."
"Hmm, it is a rather big dilemma." Washu said. "Fortunately, Jubilee & the others have a long school break coming up. We can use them as security."
"That's good." Soun agreed. "But as for the master...well let's not beat around the bush, we have to take extreme measures with him."
"I've got a solution."

Tristan & Paige were sitting, arms wrapped around each other, in the Tendo living room, watching 'Iron Chef'. Also sitting nearby was Kasumi & Jono, who were busy creating wedding invitations. Kasumi carefully looked at how Jono was intently staring at the aforementioned couple while writing inside another invite. "Jonothon," asked Kasumi "is there something wrong?"
:Pardon?: Jono replied. "You look very troubled." Kasumi continued. "Are you sure you're fine?"
:Oh, I'm OK, nothin' to worry about. What makes you say that?:
"Well, I'm really concerned about what you've been writing inside the invitations." Kasumi then held up several invites that Jono had completed.
:Um, let's see...'Die, you pie mashing prat'...'Ratboy must die'...'Burn Tristan you weasel'...'Redrum'...'Play Jet Set Radio & go read Penny's World Tour at Fanfiction.Net...Hey, how'd that get in there?:
"I think you're upset about Paige, aren't you?" Kasumi inquired. :Hmmm, guess it was that obvious, huh?: Jono glumly replied.
"You miss her?"
:Yeah. But once in awhile I find a way of getting over it.:
"How?" asked Kasumi. :I've been doing a lot of sketching. Find it's a good way to vent some o' my feelings: Jono reached into his pants pocket & pulled out a twice-folded piece of paper. Kasumi took the paper & examined the picture. "Um, Jono this sketch..."
:Yes?:
"Are you sure this is helpful?" Kasumi asked as she examined Jono's sketch. The sketch was of Jono gleefully jumping up & down on an unconscious Tristan who had a Gibson guitar smashed over his head.

Elsewhere, at the Nekohaten, Monet & Ayeka were involved in a
conversation along with Cologne, who was busy with a plate of shumai
dumplings. "Ah, it's been quite an eventful month." Cologne sighed
"Finally, someone is getting married. Unfortunately, it will not be my
granddaughter. Oh well, there's sure to be another strong suitor
elsewhere."
"Yes, a pity," Ayeka agreed "but I'm sure she'll find a nice man. In the meantime, it'll be interesting to see how the new interplanetary
relations between Earth & Jurai turn out."
"Quite." Monet nodded in acknowledgement. "But I find it rather odd that the UN was so hesitant in addressing matters such as this."
"I believe the matter of having spaceships fly regularly over your head got to them." Cologne pointed out. "But the possibilities of what our two planets can finally do together cannot be ignored."
"I'll agree to that." The 3 turned to see Funhao, Yosho's mother &
first Queen of Jurai, joining them at the table with a bowl of miso soup in her hands. "All my husband wants to do now is play that blasted golf he's just discovered."
"It's a trait shared by all older male creatures." Monet glibly replied. "Get used to it."
"By the way, where is Shampoo?" Ayeka asked. "I sent her to run a small errand in the mountains." Cologne explained, carefully choosing not to tell them that earlier she had sensed a great evil power heading towards the forest, where Kairi was training.

The room was only lit by the flame of one small red candle as Angelo, Ev, Nobiyuki & Ryoko sat in the Masaki shrine. "So, I believe the team has all been informed of the importance of their task." Nobiyuki stated
"Yeah," Angelo replied "we'll be ready. I'd like to see that idiot just TRY to crash the wedding."
"Um, Angelo?" Ev cleared his throat. "You do know that the last time they tried to interrupt the wedding, Kuno was using a real sword. A really sharp katana blade."
"Damn. As if he wasn't dangerous enough with a wooden sword. But he's still an idiot."
"Right. Here's the deal." Ryoko laid out a map of the Tendo dojo onto the table. "Jubilee, Monet & Ryoga will be at the entrance to the dojo. Paige, Jono & Ukyo will guard the rear. On one side will be Angelo & the other side will be Kiyone. The rest of us will be inside."
"What about Happosai?" Ev asked. Ryoko sighed & replied "We'll take care of the little perv tonight. But it'll require both Mr. Masaki's & Angelo's cooperation."
"Sure Ryoko!"
"No problemo!"
"Ok boys, I'll need all your porno’s!"
It was at this point in time that Angelo fainted & Nobiyuki nearly had a heart attack as he gasped "OUR WHAT!"
"Look, I don't need to remind you two about the onsen incident," Ev stated "but unless you two have another plan to get Happy the hell out of our lives, cough up the Playboys!"
"How will I ever live this down?" Nobiyuki whined as he removed a board from the floor. Reaching deep, Nobiyuki removed several steel boxes from the depths of the shrine, each with a lock.
"Is Yosho aware of this?" asked Ev.
"Hey, you have to be creative when you're securing your most prized possessions." Nobiyuki proudly proclaimed. Opening one of the boxes, Ev pulled out a note "What the...Nobiyuki, you'll have to be more creative than this. Signed, Yosho."
"OK gringo, where's your stash?" Ryoko asked Angelo.
"You'll need these." Angelo explained as he gave her a series of keys. "I've made a safe that has a few failsafe devices to open it."
"All that security for a few Playboys?" Ev scoffed, raising an eyebrow.
"Hey, it's not like the men are safe from that little hentai!" Angelo retorted.
"Relax." Ryoko said, raising her hand "Just tell me what to do & I'll get them myself."

The seven safe doors all fell apart easily as Ryoko cut through them using her energy sword. Behind stood Jubilee & Yuffie. "Uh, maybe it's me," Yuffie started "but I thought Angelo gave you instructions on how to open the safe."
"Eh, I forgot."
"Oh."
"Damn, nice little safe." Jubilee whistled as they entered it's
interior. The walls had several cabinets built into them, all separated & marked by numbers & letters. "Oy vey, just what kind of dark past does our little Angelo have?" Jubilee mused.
"We just need the mags, nothing else." Ryoko replied. "But it kinda makes you wonder, you know. What do guys keep hidden from girls?"
"You mean besides porno?" Yuffie remarked.
"Where do you want to start?" Jubilee asked.
"I'll look over here."
Temporarily abandoning their mission, the girls searched through the cabinets. As Yuffie searched through a cabinet marked 'K' & pulled out an unusually large file, Ryoko pulled out a cabinet marked 'R' & retrieved a file with her name on it. "Ha, I thought so." Ryoko huffed "He was taking pictures of me at the onsen. I should have never trusted him."
"So, what are you gonna do?" Jubilee inquired. "Oh, I guess I'll just take these pictures & leave them underneath Tenchi's pillow."
"WHAT?"
"Hey, he needs some kind of pleasant dream to get through the night. These are just what the doctor ordered!"
"Geez Ryoko," Jubilee started "they're just photos of you in the buff. I'm pretty sure you can snag Tenchi without..."
"There's also a large file of Ryoga at the men's hot spring."
"Gimme." Jubilee promptly snatched the file & stuffed it in her
jacket."

Bobby Drake looked at his drink as he carefully assessed the situation he found himself in: Since none of the members of Generation X were able to accompany him into the Pink Bunny Bar (& Angelo seriously protested!) it was up to him & Genma to lead Happosai into the bar. Happy's sensory nerves went into overload as he gawked at the Playboys that were presented to him in a huge box, as well as all of the cute girls in the club with skintight bunny outfits. "Woo hoo, now this is a party!" Happosai wooped as he guzzled another bottle of sake. "Boy's, this is what a bachelor party should be all about. Where's the proud groom Ranma anyway?"
"Think of it as a bachelor party without the actual bachelor." Bobby nervously replied. "Had Ranma come here however, tomorrow's wedding would have been a funeral instead." Genma added.
"Oh yes, good point. But enough of that!" Happosai smiled a lecherous smile that would have put half of the republican congress to shame, or at least resembled a smile of a sadist watching an Al Snow match. "Bring on the girls!" Suddenly, the lights dimmed to a low purple. From the curtains, a mysterious, teal haired woman in an Arabian harem girl's outfit slowly danced her way into the bar, with a rose colored veil covering her face. As she danced a seductive number, a good deal of the club's male patrons developed nosebleeds.
"Whoa." was the collective word that Bobby, Genma & Happosai let out. Happosai began to shake violently as he remarked "Maybe Ranma can marry Shampoo & Ukyo too. That way we can have two more parties."
Booby & Genma glanced nervously at each other. Happosai's next move would determine whether or not their scheme would work. The girl, now gyrating her hips, slowly made her way towards their table. Happosai shook violently as the hormones in his sex drive went to DEFCON 7 ver. 3.0. Quickly bouncing off the table, he screamed out "COME TO ME MY ARABIAN DESERT FLOWER!!!"
Bobby, seeing his slim opportunity, raised his hand & let out a strong ice beam. Managing to freeze & trap the leaping hentai master into a huge ice cylinder, he quipped "To think, they called me a scrub's character in Marvel Vs. Capcom 2!"
"You cut it close, didn't ya?" The girl took the veil off her face to reveal herself as Ryoko. "Hey, at least he's in the ice, right?" Bobby replied. "But how long can we keep him in there?"
"He's gotten out of worst things than this," Genma informed them "but I think Washu can help."
"But of course I can!" Washu exclaimed as she wheeled in a large circular pad. "Now to make sure that our bald headed creep here doesn't get out so easily."
"Hey, what did I ever do to you?"
"The OTHER bald headed creep, Genma!"
"Oh, right."
Summoning her dimensional laptop, Washu typed in a few commands & a few seconds later, the ice cylinder was placed in a large rectangular containment unit. "Now all I have to do is send the box away to a parallel planet in the future & we'll never have to worry about him again."
"But how will we know no one else will open that thing?" Bobby asked.
"Look on the side."
Seeing a large sign with skull & crossbones, Bobby read "Please Please PLEASE For The Love of God Never Open This!"
The unit was placed on the pad as Washu whistled "Ta-ta Gramps!". Striking a key, the group watched as the box glowed & then blinked out of existence. Tears welling up in his eyes, Genma gushed out "Finally, after all this time, we're finally rid of the master! OH WHAT A GLORIOUS DAY!!"
"There goes one problem." Ryoko said. "Now comes the hard part."

Ev stood at the front of the academy, looking up into the night skies. The training he did with Tenchi had done him a world of good as he noticed his strength & agility had improved. Still, he was rather nervous about the next day. Even though he was an idiot, Kuno was a foe that he could not afford to underestimate. Especially when he was totally focused. The damage that Kuno could do when he was like that was almost imaginable.
As he reflected on what he should do, he felt a pair of arms around his waist. Sighing he smiled & said "I take it you couldn't sleep yourself."
"Yes, indeed." Monet answered as she held him close.
"Um, Monet about tomorrow."
"Don't say anything. Let's just stay like this for the rest of the night." she said softly, hugging him closer. It was truly hard for Monet to admit she actually loved Ev; after all, she had come from an aristocratic background where it was believed that showing emotions was a form of weakness. Besides, she was supposed to be beyond such people like Ev, right?
That's what attracted her to Ev. He was kind, sincere, willing to help everyone in the team no matter what--traits she wished that she could posses more of. After his breakup with Gaia, he didn't appear to be phased by it. But she knew even he hurt. His kindness to her, even after she almost alienated everyone on the team, it was something that confused her. But in the end it didn't matter. She had won his heart in the end & for now, she content with the young mutant in her arms.

Kairi sighed as he stepped out of the cabin to view the forest in front of him. He had built himself a small cabin in the mountains near Nerima where he could be on his own. The primary reason was to train & improve on his fighting abilities. It was the best way he kept in shape besides skateboarding. Then, the second primary reason came into his mind.
To get as far away from Yuffie as possible.
He wasn't dense: he had become fully aware of how attractive she had become over the past few years. But he, under no circumstances, felt he was ready for any type of relationship, which included anything that he felt breached 'the thin line between romantic & icky, NC-17 stuff'. So far all Yuffie did in the time he knew her was send photos of herself that made Angelo & Jono develop nosebleeds, as well as glomp onto him every time she made a surprise visit. Then, there was the habit of finding her sleeping next to him in bed every Saturday & Sunday. Of course nothing could top the 'Onsen Incident'...
"I hope Ranma's having a good day." Kairi mumbled as he walked outside, staff in hand. The wedding was about to take place in a few hours, but due to his training he couldn't attend. Also, the fact that Godo, Yuffie's father, seriously wanted him to carry on the family line & raise a family with her was beginning to drive him up the wall.
As he walked in the field, he suddenly stopped, quietly looking about at the trees. Something had caught his attention, but it barely showed itself. As he held his ground, he thought to himself "I can't believe it, that bastard is alive." Extending his left arm, he cast a fireball spell, launching it towards a nearby bush. Very quickly, a man in black clothing leapt out into view, followed by several more similarly dressed people, all wielding Sais. There were seven of them in total, all in a circle about him. Suddenly, his staff was ripped from his hands by an unseen force, heading towards the roof of the cabin. Kairi looked over his shoulder to see a young man, 2 years younger than him, standing at the top. He wore black pants & a blue tunic. Strands of his long, violet hair colored his dark purple eyes. It didn't seem natural, but somehow it was appropriate to him. He smiled at Kairi as he said "I hope we were not interrupting anything important Taylor."
"Simon Raven. With my rotten luck, it just had to be you."

Quietly shuffling the guests in, Soun had the look of a perfectly calm man who was finally about to see his youngest daughter married. Inwards, he was scared as hell.
At first, getting the guests into the dojo safely had gone off without a hitch. The Kunos were nowhere to be seen & Happosai's absence greatly relieved him to no ends. Any other father would sigh a breath of relief. Not Soun. He knew anything was possible that day. The Kunos were rather stubborn in affairs of the heart. OK, pigheaded, clueless, lacking in proper social graces, skitzo to the point where a lifetime membership to the Looney bin wouldn't help, whatever you wanna label the situation, they were a serious threat. As Monet entered the dojo, she asked Soun "I take it something is on your mind?"
"Indeed. The ceremony is to begin in one hour & the priest I sent for hasn't arrived yet. I hope Everett didn't have any problems."
"No, I'm more than certain he'll get here." Monet replied. "He's been very well trained lately." As she finished her sentence, Ev arrived with the Shinto priest in tow. Panting heavily, Ev gasped out "We just barely escaped from the Kunos! They're on their way now!"
"Right! I'll get everyone mobilized! Good luck!" Monet lightly kissed Ev & went to the side of the dojo as Soun talked to him. "Ev, I fully trust you & your friends in resolving this situation as best as possible. But..." Soun grasped Ev's shoulders firmly & shook him crying "BUT FOR KAMI-SAMA'S SAKE SON KEEP THOSE MANIACS AWAY FROM THE DOJO!!"
"Uh, sure, no problem." From nearby, Yosho & Nodoka, Ranma's mother, watched on. "He's a nervous wreck, that man." Nodoka noted.
"Yes, he is." Yosho agreed.

Paige frowned as she angrily looked at Jono. Ever since they left the Tendo dojo a couple of days earlier, he had not said a single word to her or glanced in her general direction for any reason whatsoever. She had considered 3 possible explanations-

a)he was being he usual brooding, mysterious self & whatever reason he had was best left to him.
b) He was seriously jealous of the affection that she & Tristan displayed, which made even Tenchi & Kairi grimace quietly. So, being the ex-girlfriend, she could possibly drive him bonkers.
c) Tristan laughing at Jono & jumping on top of the table doing a little number s Manchester was beaten by Greece 7-0 in soccer seriously pissed off the English dude. Both Tristan & Paige wearing headbands that said 'Manchester Blows' didn't help the situation at all.

"And just why are you giving me the silent treatment NOW?" Paige asked in an annoyed tone. Jono continued to scan the area as he replied :What are you talking about, luv?:
"You haven't said a damn word to me for a couple of days now. It's obvious you're upset about something I did!"
"Pardon me," Ukyo interjected "but we're supposed to be keeping an eye out for the two psychos known as the Kunos."
Ignoring Ukyo completely, Paige continued. "Jonothon Starsmore, you are so sloppy in hiding your anger, so just spill it!"
:You wanna know what's on my mind? Ok, why not! The way you & that little weasel have been acting around the rest of us, it's like you're throwing the fact that you've got a boyfriend in my face & I'm getting really tired of it!:
"Me? HA, you should talk Mr. Tall Dark & Gothic! You practically got girls giggling like a dumb bimbo at a boy band concert (Author's Note: DEATH TO ALL BOY BANDS! MORE BUBBLE GUM TECHNO & ACID ROCK!) but you push them all away because all you got is angst, angst, angst!"
:Well, seeing as how I am stuck with HALF A FACE it could actually scare some girls away!:
"Hey we have a job to do!" Ukyo tried to inform the duo but the arguments continued.
"Hello, I was ok with the 'not having a mouth' thing. Any normal girl could get past that!"
:You're not exactly normal yourself, gel.:
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"C'mon you two!"
:You're the 'Next Leader Of The X Men', you figure it out!:
"I'm far more intelligent than you think!"
"Hello?"
:Really? Then why did you go head over heels for some grandson of a crime boss who can turn on us faster than it takes for Jubilee & Angelo to scarf down a bag of gorditas!:
Sighing heavily, Ukyo muttered "Somehow, I knew you two would be at each others throats. Now I owe Nabiki 1000 yen."

"This is quite a sturdy cabin you've built, Kairi. The carpenters did a rather excellent job." Simon crossed his arms as Kairi muttered "So, I see you've been busy. Could have sworn the fall off the building killed you."
"Yes, had it not been for my unique new skills. Ah, there was a very anti-climatic moment. No doubt the Guild had sent you to fetch me. Gee, wonder why?"
"Let me refresh your memory in case it slipped your mind." Kairi growled. "The material you were submitting at the time was getting seriously disturbing, even for dark fanfics. Then Washu informed Jono & I that you were stalking Sasami, the subject of your little works."
"Oh, dear Sasami!" Simon smiled wickedly. "How is the little darling? I really do wish to see her."
"My ass you will." Kairi reached into his pockets & pulled out a pair of blue fingerless fighting gloves. "You know, I really don't mind when other writers do Mary Sue fics. Most of the stuff is rather harmless anyway & if it stinks, someone's got to do a MiSTing. However, you are so far beyond the line. The things you described in there that you wanna do to her makes my blood run cold--& you do recall what happens when I go over the edge, right?"
"Really? & Why is that Kairi? Why do you go out of your way to protect her.? Don't tell me you consider her a third sister!"
"Azuza asked me to be her retainer on this planet." Kairi answered back. "He had asked me to protect her from you specifically. She's also my son's godmother & I'll be damned if I allow you to even breathe in her direction."
"Just what the Guild needs, a modern African American samurai." Simon sighed. "I thought Azuza would trust Azaka & Kamidake, but apparently he sees something in you. Or maybe Sasami requested it."
"Get to the point, Raven!" Kairi spat out. "Anything about my personal life is none of your concern." Simon merely laughed as he replied "My, aren't you the hasty one. That is what I've always noticed about you Taylor; there is a part of you that lives to fight, to prove himself, to shed blood. Well I won't leave you in suspense any longer. I've hijacked a pirate ship, killed its crew & assembled a small personal army to come back to Earth just to kill you & all of your mutant friends. How's that for an opener?"
"Oh, really?" Kairi grinned. "Maybe it's me, but don't you think that 7 ninjas is a bit of OVERKILL? Who do I look like, Terry Bogard?"

Ryoga looked carefully about the area as Jubilee said "Well so far, the only fighting that's erupted is the grudge match between Hayseed & Chamber." Monet nodded & replied "At most, the atmosphere has been subdued."
"Yeah, but Kuno should have been here by now. If I know the dope, he'll try to charge in from the front." Ryoga said.
"Well, with our combined strength, we should have no trouble subduing him." Monet stated matter of factly.
That's when two criss cross slash marks gleamed as the doors to the gates of the Tendo dojo fell apart. In the midst of the destruction stood Tatewaki Kuno, in black & gray kimono garb, wielding a rather wicked looking Murasame blade. "Stand aside!" Kuno boomed "I've come to duel with Saotome Ranma, not with you!"
"Back off Kuno!" Jubilee snarled as she fired off her paffs at Kuno. Gripping the handle of his katana, Kuno yelled out "STRIKE STRIKE STRIKE STRIKE!" as he rapidly swung his sword, batting the projectiles away. "Um, this could be a bit tricky." Jubilee yelped out."
Taking out his battle umbrella, Ryoga said "Let me handle this girls." Facing Kuno, Ryoga said "I will not allow you to interrupt the most important day of Akane's life. Leave now or else--" Before Ryoga finished the sentence, Kuno slashed at Ryoga's umbrella three times. A few seconds later, the umbrella fell to pieces.
"OK...say, M," Jubilee smiled, patting Monet on the back, "you're invulnerable, right?"
"I am not Superman."
The doors to the dojo opened & Tenchi stepped outside accompanied by Ev. Both had their own katana blades & unsheathed them as Ev said "Alright Kuno, this is as far as you go."
"It would be in your best interest to go home right now. And for kami-sama's sake, GET OVER IT." Tenchi stated.
"You're nothing but a mere formality for a warrior such as Tatewaki Kuno! My beloved Akane will not be married to a heathen such as Ranma!"
"He's calling Ranma a heathen?" Monet whispered to herself."

"OHHOHOHOHOHOHO!!" The irritating laugh that would drive monks to shriek in terror forever breaking their code of silence was deafening as Kodachi arrived on the scene wearing a wedding kimono. Ukyo grabbed her battle spatula as Kodachi said "Stand aside, peasant girl! I shall be the only one that weds my dear Ranma today."
"I don't think so toots." Ukyo replied. "I'm here to make sure my Ran-chan gets married without a hitch. Which is more than what I can say for my associates." Ukyo pointed to Jono & Paige, who were in the middle of a heated battle. Paige had husked herself unto pure steel as Jono dodged her fists as best he could.
"Take back what you said about my thighs!"
:After how you just insulted J-league football? Not bloomin' likely!:
"You keep some rather interesting company." Kodachi smiled. "But I'm more than enough for you Ukyo!" As Kodachi prepared to battle, Yuffie jumped down from the roof of the dojo, wielding her Conformer weapon. "Well, finally. I won't have to be so totally bored!" she smiled.
"What the heck are you doing here?" Ukyo asked. "Well I got bored of waiting for Kairi to show up here. Then I saw this wacko coming here, so I decided to let off a little steam!" Yuffie explained."
"This wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that  Soun promised to give you a master summon materia in exchange for your help?"
"Hey, 1.4 million gil can buy a girl a lot. Especially the perfect dream house for me & Kairi!" Yuffie smiled shamelessly as Ukyo muttered "I MUST be the only sane person here."

"I think these ninjas will give you a most glorious death." Simon said to Kairi. "I'm curious to see how long you can last with your current hand to hand skills."
"Yeah, right. Ninjas with weapons against one unarmed guy. I don't suppose you took away my weapon to even the odds."
"I don't know the reasons why that old shopkeeper gave you this sword, but I suppose there are reasons beyond my knowledge. Don't be disappointed though, you are not the only one who will be in battle today. I've got some friends visiting the Tendo Dojo. After we finish here & at the dojo, I will take Sasami as my bride & your son will be mine. Then we will all rule the universe together as one big happy family."
"WHAT?" What do you want with Hideo?" Kairi's anger rose as Simon continued. "I know of the power that he possesses. It's power that sends chills throughout my body. I alone will teach him to harness it. Hideo is a worthy successor to me. Both you & Washu have kept this secret very well hidden from the Guild until now. But that will change. Prepare to die." The ninja directly in front of Kairi rushed in to attack, both of his Sais ready to strike. Unknown to Kairi though, the ninja behind him leaped towards him, fighting sticks raised.
"Shunpu Renkyaku!"
The ninja was hit three times in the head as he fell to the ground. Kairi's attacker was distracted for a second. More than enough time for him to receive a side thrust kick via Kairi's left foot. As the ninja fell back, another person stood next to Kairi. It was Sakura, dressed in her sailor fuku, but with a red headband on. "I see you've met some new friends." Sakura replied.
"Sakura!" Simon growled "Well, isn't this an interesting surprise."
"What are you doing here?" Kairi asked. "Ryu called me up this morning & said you needed a sparring partner," Sakura explained. "But I guess sparring is outta the question."
"Totally. So, aside from Ibuki, you fight ninjas much?" Two more ninjas jumped at them from behind, but rather quickly another figure came in & jumped in between them, knocking them down to the ground hard. The figure landed & everybody saw it was Shampoo, armed with bonbari. "Nihao! You ninjas order Chinese ass kicking?" Shampoo asked.
"Lemme guess, Cologne sent you?" Kairi replied.
"Great Grandmother almost know everything," Shampoo replied "except how to program VCR."
I must remember to personally kill Cologne one of these days, Simon thought to himself.
"Well this should even everything out." Sakura beamed. "Looks like the Heroic Trio is ready for action."
"We can't be the Heroic Trio! I'm not a woman!"
"Shampoo not care for bad Kung Fu movie puns."
"I suppose there's a reason why you get along with ladies so well." Simon quipped.
"If you knew ANYTHING about my luck with women, you know that the word 'cursed' has popped up many times in a conversation." Kairi remarked.
"Shampoo hear everything evil Simon say. Shampoo snarled, raising her bonbari. "Shampoo also retainer for Sasami. You not touch her, too too perverted boy!"
"THAT'S the guy you told me about?" Sakura asked in shock. "What a weenie!"
"Tell me about it."
"You won't be so cocky when I send you all to your graves. Kill them."

Both Ev & Tenchi leaped back as Kuno slashed at them with his blade. "You indeed are worthy adversaries for my skill level." Kuno smirked. "But the day has yet to be won. No one is superior to Tatewaki Kuno in the ways of the sword!"
"Geez, this guy should really just shut up already." Ev groaned.
"Yeah. Too bad he has a lot of skill to back it up." Tenchi replied, holding his katana in front of him. "This could take a while. Got any ideas?"
"I'm working on it."
As Kuno prepared to attack, at that precise moment, some unexpected, unwanted guests arrived. No, not Marvel editors. 10 ninjas all leaped at the same time over the gates in front of them, wielding swords.
"The hell---who are these idiots?" Jubilee shouted.
"I wager they're not in love with Akane." Ryoga answered.
"Totally. Things are weird enough as it is without a whole ninja clan fawning over her." Jubilee smiled.
"Who are you to interrupt our duel!" Kuno growled. The tallest ninja raised his sword at Kuno. "We have orders to kill every single person in this little hovel & kidnap Princess Sasami." the ninja stated "That includes you, dirty little samurai wannabe."
"So, you wish to question my prowess. Very well, challenge & learn!" Raising his katana, Kuno yelled "Everett-san! Tenchi-kun! To my side! Let us set aside our differences & expel these interlopers from the Tendo Dojo!"
"This I can agree on." Tenchi said as he rushed to Kuno's side with Ev. As Jubilee, Monet & Ryoga rushed to help, 5 more ninjas jumped down from the roof in front of them wielding chain-sickle weapons. "Prepare to die!" one of them shouted.
"Do you have ANY idea who we are?" Monet said, raising her eyebrow in amusement.
"In case you guys don’t know, I've taken down Sabretooth,Sauron & kicked the collective asses of The Hand," Jubilee said "so do you really think you stand a chance in hell?"
Two of the ninjas responded by throwing their chains at Ryoga & Monet. Catching the chains with their hands, both of them smiled.
"Well, shall we?" Ryoga asked.
"Lets."
Monet & Ryoga slammed the two ninjas together using their own chains. At the same time, Jubilee front flipped into the middle of the 3 remaining ninjas. Before they could react, Jubilee elbowed one in the throat, kicked another in the chest with a thrust kick, then leg swept the remaining one before hitting him with a paff. Out of the corner of his right eye, Ryoga saw two more ninjas rushing in to attack. As he prepared himself, Angelo swung in as if he were Spider Man, using the skin of his fingers, knocking them down. "Web Head's got nothing on me!" Angelo boasted.
"Nice work." Ryoga said. A few seconds later a couple more unconscious ninjas were dropped onto the ground as Kiyone stood over them, rubbing her fingers. "Trying to attack a GP officer? You dolts are in some serious trouble now." she growled.
"Does anyone know what the hell is going on here?" Jubilee asked.
"I haven't the foggiest notion." Monet replied.
"Neither do I, but expect more company," Kiyone informed them, holding up her radar watch. "There's an unregistered ship, the 'Shine-Tsu-Hiko' coming this way. We're gonna have our hands full."
"Not unless me & Ryoko can do something." Jubilee replied.

"Well, this is just perfect." Paige sighed as the 8 ninjas surrounded her, Jono, Yuffie, Ukyo & Kodachi. "This is the first wedding I've been to where ninjas tried to kill me."
"Like, I'm almost insulted!" Yuffie grinned. "These geeks call themselves ninjas?"
:So, you gels want me to go first or do you wanna tango with them?: Jono asked.
"Knock yourself out sugar!" Ukyo said. Jono pulled back his hood, releasing a huge blast of psionic energy. As two of the attackers were wiped out, Paige husked her steel skin away to a shiny, black metal. A ninja swung his sword & it immediately broke on impact. "What the hell..." The ninja said in confusion. "In case you're wondering, I just learned to husk myself into a metal called gundanium. Now this is the part were I demonstrate 215 ways to break bones in the human body."

Ranma groaned quietly to himself. After all the wait, after all the headaches & insanity, he finally was getting married. Never mind the fact that the Nannunuchuan (Spring Of Drowned Man)had somewhat dried up or the fact that there had to be extra security, the wedding was finally taking place. Only one thing was wrong.
The priest's speech was the longest, boring, inane piece of crap he has had to listen to in his life. It literally bore him to lala land. He would have dozed off, but that would mean that Akane would beat the daylights out of him.
In the crowd of guests at the front row sat Nodoka & Genma, Ranma's parents.. Alongside sat Ayeka & Sasami, who were accompanied by Azuza & Misaki, their parents. Genma nervously crossed his fingers as Sasami commented "Wow, Akane looks really beautiful in that kimono!"
"Yes, I know." Nodoka said "Kasumi & I worked on it for two nights."
"It really is quite lovely." Ayeka said. "I only wish I could look as beautiful when I marry lord Tenchi." Quietly whispering to his youngest daughter, Azuza asked "Does she always drone on about Tenchi like this?"
"Yes." Sasami whispered back, sighing heavily.
"My Ayeka may be graceful, but she has a one track mind."
"So, are you still intent on running off & playing golf as soon as this wedding is over?" Misaki asked.
"What ever makes you say that?"
Misaki smiled & pointed to the bottom of their seats, where a set of golf clubs laid underneath. Azuza coughed as he said "Well, it IS a lovely day outside."
Akane nervously scanned her eyes around herself as the priest continued his speech about the traditions of Japanese weddings & why it was common nowadays for martial artists to stick to bachelorhood. "I don’t know why, but I have a feeling something really bad is about to happen." And as usual, her instincts proved to be very accurate.
Quite suddenly, as the priest finished his part of the speech about Hideyoshi's 12 steps to a happy marriage, a ninja crashed through the wall, bumped into the priest, and then went through the other wall, taking the priest with him. The guests all gasped in astonishment as Soun cried "NO!! WE WERE SO CLOSE!"
Well, that didn't take too long, Ranma thought. What followed next was rather odd. At least two more ninjas leapt past the area via the holes followed by Everett & Kuno, who was yelling "You dare to fight the noble Tatewaki Kuno & run away?" Another pair of ninjas stumbled by, in battle with Paige & Jono who were in the heat of another argument.
"Jonothon Starsmore, I DEMAND an apology from you right now!"
:For what? I said I didn't hit Tristan on purpose with that hydrant!:
"Accident my steel buttocks!"
Ranma & Akane just stared at each other. "Ranma do you suppose..."
"That this was a bad idea? Yes."
From the top of the dojo ceiling, 6 more ninjas dropped down. The leader, who wore blue, yelled "We are here to destroy all of your pathetic lives!"
"All your base are belong to us!" the ninja directly behind him boomed. The leader turned around & yelled "WHAT? Didn't I specifically tell you NEVER to use that weak ass line in public!"
"Sorry boss, I was up all night as the message boards!"
"Argh! Why are you such an incompetent idiot!" As he turned around, the leader was greeted by the fists of Soun & Genma as the elder Tendo yelled "You've just ruined the most perfect day in my son's life. YOU BASTARDS ARE ALL GONNA DIE!"
"Finally, me & pops can agree on something!" Ranma smirked as he turned to challenge the ninjas. Azuza smiled as he rose from his seat. "Finally, there's something on this planet worthwhile to do other than work on my putting."
"Who the hell are you?" One of the ninjas asked. "I am Azuza, Emperor of Jurai. You will forever refer to me as the man who handed you your ass on a silver platter."

Simon looked on as the battle began to end. Only 3 ninjas were left as they battled all over the area, long sine losing their weapons. Sakura fought one ninja in front of the cabin while Shampoo & Kairi battled their opponents near the tree line. Perhaps, Simon thought, the ninjas weren't such a viable option after all.
As the ninja thrust his elbow out at Sakura, she easily caught it in her hands & gave him an open palm thrust into his chest. The area that covered the ninja's mouth became shades darker as he coughed up blood. Cupping her hands behind her, a battle aura of bright blue Ki energy formed all around her as she grinned. "You do realize this will sting a bit." The ninja cursed to himself as Sakura thrust her arms out forward as she yelled at the top of her lungs "SHINKU-HADOKEN!" In a matter of seconds, the wave of energy sent him flying out across the field into a tree. A few seconds later, another ninja was thrown on top of him as Shampoo knocked out her opponent. Kairi had uppercutted the last ninja hard & as he sank to the ground, Kairi raised his hands, ready to release a fireball spell. The ninja looked on, eyes filled with horror as the hand glowed red. Kairi, quietly closed his eyes for a few seconds before whispering to himself "...Nadia...". Opening his eyes, Kairi said "Consider yourself lucky that I don't kill guys like you. Go on & leave, & make sure you and your clan never harm anyone else." Quickly nodding, the ninja ran off. Sakura sighed saying "That was too short."
"Total boredom for Shampoo."
Kairi said nothing. He focused his gaze on Simon as he approached the cabin. Simon smiled as he floated down from the roof, Kairi's staff still in his possession. "You've really gotten stronger as of late," Simon began "so I see I've underestimated you & your allies. It's still too bad though that I'm well beyond your best skills. Hell, the sword I've created is stronger than yours & can easily overpower Tenchi's."
"The power you have..." Kairi said. "It's not what you had last time. It's something that you can't handle for very long."
"I was wondering if you figured out my secret," Simon chuckled "but to tell the truth, you are right some of my powers were seized by my hand. Incase the Guild didn't tell you, I've gotten control of one segment of The Cube."
"Do you have any idea what the hell you've done!" Kairi asked in anger. "The powers of The Cube are forbidden to everyone by the Elder, especially the Guild!"
"Ah, you & your 'rules', Taylor. Don't you realize that such power cannot be wasted. The Guild dropped the ball when they tried to seal it away. They only did it because they're not dedicated enough to unlock all of it's secrets. The only thing that they care about is writing stories & seeking out little magic artifacts."
"What he talking about?" Shampoo asked Sakura.
"Beats me. This is the first time I've ever heard of this!"
"I was able to carry that one segment with me." Simon continued. "But, no thanks to you, when I was at the brink of death, the power immediately coursed throughout my body. I couldn't believe the power I possessed. The normal fanfiction writer only has a limited effect on reality, especially with keyboards. But now I control anything within 20ft of me. My powers & Ki energy shot up to new levels beyond that of even Dr. Strange! All of my dreams can now be fulfilled."
"Geez, talk about an adrenaline rush!" Kairi sighed.
"However Taylor, your life doesn't have to end here. I could use a couple of enforcers in my new regime. Why don't you all join me? You'll have unlimited power at your control. Planets would be at your mercy. All you have to do is leave me with Sasami & Hideo. Just swear allegiance to me & it's all yours."
A fierce wind howled as Kairi stood, gazing at Simon. Then, letting out a long sigh, Kairi got into his fighting stance, left arm in front, right to his side.
"C'mon. Let's finish this feud while we're young!"

"Wow, that's a huge ship." Jubilee remarked as the 'Shine-Tsu-Hiko' came into full view on Ryo-Oh-Ki's screens. "Any idea who's behind all this?"
"I definitely know that ship," Ryoko explained "so that takes care of one mystery. It's owned by a gang of space pirates called the Typhoon Slashes. Kiyone & Mihoshi received a report almost a month ago. These pirates, along with some Skrulls, were killed by an unknown entity. The GP registered that the power released at the time was almost a A-1 class criminal."
"So, this could be a problem." Jubilee concluded "unless we sneak onboard that ship & do some damage from inside."
"Good idea." Ryoko agreed. "I spotted a small emergency hatch that we can sneak into."
"I'd still like to know what the hell is this all about though." Jubilee huffed. "I hardly know anyone with that kind of power."

"This is NOT what a fanfiction writer should be subjected to." Kairi muttered to himself.
The battle with Simon was going nowhere at all. Every fist that he tried to hit Simon with missed as Simon dodged them with relative ease & every kick was parried away. Simon didn't fight back for 1 second, with puzzled Kairi. "What's the matter Taylor? You've gotten slow. Maybe you should train more." Simon taunted.
"Shut up & fight!" Kairi growled as he went for a leg sweep. As Simon jumped, Kairi immediately dashed forward & attacked with two quick strikes, a backhand & a swift right uppercut to the abdomen. Unfortunately, what happened next shocked Kairi. Simon easily caught Kairi's backhand. The uppercut had gone right through his body as if he were vapor.
"What the hell...That's impossible!" Sakura yelled.
"Ah, don't be surprised," Simon commented "since I can alter & bend reality to my will, so changing my physical state is merely child's play. Of course, that still doesn't mean I can't hurt you Taylor!" With that, Simon swiftly buried his knee to Kairi's abs. The writer gritted his teeth as Shampoo yelled "No fair! Simon cheat!"
"I am not cheating. I am fighting him with all of my best abilities, just like he'd expect me to."
As Kairi steadied himself, Simon quickly gave him a right cross  in the jaw followed by a left. "Even you have your limits Kairi. Your infamous pain threshold can't withstand my power." Kairi looked up at Simon, blood now dripping from the left side of his mouth. As he tried to focus his vision, Simon gave him a left hook that hit him in his temple. Immediately, Kairi lashed out with a swift right hook, but Simon disappeared & quickly reappeared at Kairi's left side. "C'mon, don't give up Taylor," Simon said "even though the deaths of all those you hold dear to you will most certainly haunt you for the rest of eternity!"
"If I die, I'll make damn sure I cripple you." Kairi replied. Quickly Simon gave Kairi an open palm thrust into his kidney. Fighting back the rush of pain, Kairi turned & tried a swift roundhouse, but Simon teleported again, this time to Kairi's right. "You know, your agony really gives me great pleasure," Simon whispered "so I can only imagine the sheer agony you'll be in the spirit realm as you see me ravish Sasami's body over & over & over again."
At this point, Kairi's anger finally overtook all of his emotions as he turned & swung savagely at Simon. Simon smiled devilishly as he sidestepped & proceeded to rapidly punch & kick him in the face & chest. When he has done, Kairi stood a bit off balance, his right eye closed shut, spitting up a little blood. "Heh, you've got a bit more stamina left," Simon smiled "so I guess I have to punish you a little more." Simon thrust out his palm at the same time as Kairi lifted his arms in defense. A shockwave boomed out, pushing the writer back a few inches. However Kairi's breathing was becoming heavy & his legs looked wobbly. "Heh, you're almost done Taylor." Simon dashed in & swiftly gave him a roundhouse to the head then somersaulted over him & landed a few feet away. Kairi felt blood drip from a cut in his forehead. "It's too bad that you won't last for too long, Taylor. I rather enjoy punishing you & placing your body in extreme hell." He drew out his short sword as it glowed & crackled with green energy. "Now this is the part where I slowly kill you."
"Stop this you bastard!" Sakura yelled out. "There's no need to do this!"
"Oh, but I beg to differ."
Simon swung his sword from side to side in front of him & a huge wave of green energy shot at Kairi. Kairi raised his arms in front of him, but to no avail. The green blast slammed into him, hurling his body across the field into he hit a tree. Kairi slowly slumped down to the ground, unconscious. Simon raised a finger & a small speck of light shot out & hit Kairi in his head. "Simon leave Kairi alone! You already beat him!" Shampoo growled.
"No, I'm not done just yet!" Simon smiled. I'm just giving him something to think about."

The second in command of Simon's henchmen, Echigoya, looked on the view screen from the captain's chair as the other 3 workers as the controls monitored the battle. "Sir, it looks like our men are having some difficulty at the Tendo Dojo." The head worker reported. "Should we send in more troops?"
Nodding, Echigoya answered "Do what is necessary. Remember that our prime objective is to capture the princess Sasami & burn all of Nerima to the ground. Send the next squad in."
"I think you'll find that they're unavailable at the moment." a voice from behind lowly growled. Echigoya turned to be greeted by an energy sword as his throat as Ryoko said "Don't make any sudden moves, or eating without a throat will become the least of your problems."
As the other workers turned to look, Jubilee quickly came from above & knocked two of them out. She grabbed the third & put his head in between her hands. "Did you know that I can use my powers to heat up the molecules in your brain & make them explode? So you better start talking fast."
"Who's your leader?" Ryoko asked. "Simon Raven!" Echigoya quickly answered. "We know nothing about the guy, honest! He just hired us as his personal army!"
"That bastard's still alive?" Jubilee spat out.
"I guessed as much. Who else would go after Sasami?" Ryoko replied.
But doesn't he know that Sasami's merged with Tsunami?" Jubilee asked. "Most likely he doesn't care. But right know we gotta track him down & stop him."
"Right. Alright you, where's he at, that is if you don't want your brain to be cerebral gumbo!" Jubilee said, sparks coming out from her fingertips.

"Oh damn....son of a bitch hits like a friggin ape on steroids." Kairi said to himself. He was unconscious, there was no doubt about it. But even in the depths of his very troubled mind, he was in pain.
His whole body was racked in agony, particularly his ribs & head. The eyesight in his right eye was anything but steady at the moment. No matter how he tried to move, he couldn't get himself up. "Wait a second...am I up against a wall?" Kairi's singers tapped against a hard surface behind him. There was definitely a wall. As he regained his sight, Kairi groaned to himself in sadness.
The room he apparently found himself in was empty, save for him & the body that hung from the wall. It was a young man, with short brown hair. His arms were crossed over his chest  a huge wooden stake was driven through his body. Blood was seeping out on the floor as Kairi noticed above the body was words scrawled in crimson red: "He Lived As A Puppet & Died A Fools Death"
"I take it you never cared for my taste in decoration." Kairi shifted his gaze to Simon, who had his hands wrapped around what appeared to be Sasami. "Oh, but what do you know? I guess you figured out it was me who killed Kevin. Yes, oh yes, it was me that left you that gift! He couldn't leave well enough alone; he was going to try to tell you of my plans for Sasami. But I put an end to his life. A shame really, he died a much quicker death than you will. I SO wanted to witness his agony. Well, I'll leave you here with Kevin. Me & Sasami are going to make a lot of babies." As Simon & Sasami faded from view, Kairi struggled to get up, muttering "Damn you! If I have to break every bone in my body, I'll see you dead!!" But Kairi only managed to rise a few feet before slumping down, the pain overtaking. As he shut his eyes in rage, he felt raindrops on his head. The scene shifted to a rooftop. The whole place was in black & white, except for the rainfall, which was blood red. Kairi saw two people standing at the edge, holding umbrellas. It was Jono & himself.
:Hey mate, are you gonna be ok?: Jono asked.
"Jono...I killed someone today." Kairi said somberly. "I broke my promise to her."
:You didn't know it would happen.: Jono assured him. "You meant to capture him, but he was at the edge of the roof after all. Besides, if you ask me, I think that's how God works. Think about it, maybe some things happen because they needed to. Perhaps it was his day to die.:
"I wish I could follow that." Kairi responded bitterly. "But still...I've gotta talk to her. She's the only one I wanna see right now."
:I understand mate. Go on, I'll contact the Guild.:
Kairi shut his eyes slowly, saying to himself "Is this my burden?" As he let out a long breath, he felt himself floating. He opened his eyes to find himself floating in white space. A moment later, he was laid on a filed of nothing but grass & a table with a pair of chairs. In one of the chairs sat Aeris, the spirit that currently inhabited his body. "Hey, we need to talk." Aeris smiled sweetly. "Sit down."
Suddenly noticing that there was no pain in his body anymore, Kairi stood & sat at the table. "So...am I dead."
"No, but Simon put you to sleep for a bit." Aeris explained. "Looks like he really did a number on you."
"Yeah, & I can't believe that I lost." Kairi said. "He had me outclassed in every way & I couldn't do nothing. Now he's going after Sasami & my son. I've got nothing left."
"That's where you're wrong." Aeris interrupted. "Simon only seems stronger because of the powers that he stole. But you're still much stronger than him."
"Are you serious? The bastard just gave me the smackdown of all smackdowns."
"I know, but that's because he's been playing with your mind. As long as you lose focus, you'll lose the fight. You have been training for much longer than he knows. The part of the Cube he stole only maxed out the level he was currently at, but he gained none of its true power. You still haven't used your best abilities. Listen, don't give up now, because you still have a promise to the others & me to keep. Just go & take care of him."
"You're right." Kairi said. "I owe him. But can you help me out, because I'm a little worse for wear?"
"No problem!" Aeris smiled "Just give me your hand."

Angelo & Yuffie stood back to back on the roof of the dojo as three more ninjas surrounded them. "It's times like this," Angelo muttered "when I REALLY WISH that I had a sawed off! Got any ideas, chica?"
"Not really," she replied "but I got a couple of smoke bombs we can use. You thinking what I'm thinking?"
"Read you loud & clear!" Angelo grinned. Yuffie quickly tossed three smoke bombs into the air. Using his fingers like a whip, Angelo snapped at them & launched them into the ninja's faces. As they were hit, Angelo left the roof & Yuffie raised her Conformer weapon. Her voice boomed "ALL CREATION!" as a beam of pure purple energy launched the ninjas off the roof into a nearby house.
"And just exactly WHY is Kairi not going out with her?" Angelo said.
As he watched the events unfold, Monet ran up to him & asked "Where exactly did Jubilee go?"
"I don't know. She took off with Ryoko on Ryo-Oh-Ki a long time ago."

Sakura & Shampoo got into their fighting stances as they faced Simon. "I really don't have time to waste on you two," Simon grinned "but I suppose I could use another warm-up."
"You not get past Shampoo so easily." Shampoo said as she held out her bonbari. "Simon pay for hurting Kairi."
"I think I'
d rather fight Geese Howard." Sakura said. "So, what do you think, Shampoo? Two of us against him enough?"
"More than enough!"
"I'm almost touched." Simon replied "Oh well, let me dispose of you two. Kairi needs the company in the afterlife."
"I am far from finished!" Everybody turned to see Kairi rise from where he was lying, wiping the blood off of his jaw, looking at his torn up shirt. "You know, this was my favorite shirt too." Kairi said.
"Hmm, still alive I see." Simon said as a gleam of malice overtook his eyes. "I guess I get to continue your physical torture."
"Not quite. Now, if you don't mind, I'll take my weapon\ back." Immediately, the staff shot out of Kairi's reach & back to Kairi. "What, but how?" Simon growled in astonishment.
"Let's start all the way from the top." Kairi said as we walked towards Simon, taking off his fighting gloves. "Very well." Simon replied. "Try to hit me." Simon grinned as Kairi threw a backhand punch. But the grin soon turned into a look of shock as Kairi's fist connected with his face. Kairi immediately followed it with a spinning roundhouse to his jaw. As Simon staggered back, Kairi said "I guess I should tell you that I'm canceling out your reality shifting powers with my own magic. So you won't be able to save yourself from this!" Kairi grabbed Simon by the shoulders & gave him several rapid knee strikes into the gut, followed by a stiff elbow strike into the chest. As Simon coughed up blood, he muttered "So, you've gotten that second wind...too bad it won't save your life!"
"Keep dreaming, birdman." Kairi replied. As Kairi threw a straight left, Simon quickly teleported. However, as soon as he appeared behind Kairi, Kairi blocked the open palm thrust & teleported himself. "Huh, where are you, Taylor?"
"Right behind you." Simon glanced his left shoulder to see Kairi standing behind him with his back turned to him. "So, what do you think? Doesn't this little situation kinda mirror what happened between Goku & Frieza?" Kairi laughed.
"I am not someone to toy with!" Simon snarled as he turned around, but Kairi teleported again, screaming "Over here, idiot!" He smashed his fist into the side of Simon's face, followed by an uppercut that sent Simon reeling. Simon quickly picked himself up & dashed at Kairi with a right hook. Kairi immediately ducked, gave Simon two quick palm thrusts to the stomach & kicked him upwards, than jumped & spun three times in the air, kicking Simon in the gut. As they both landed on the ground, Kairi crossed his arms. "I don't care how powerful you are, Taylor!" Simon yelled. "There is no way in hell an inferior hack comic like you can beat me!" As Simon tried to dash in again, he was hit several times in the face & chest by an unseen force. A few seconds later, Kairi appeared in front of him, in his fighting stance.
"What Kairi do?" Shampoo asked.
"It's amazing," Sakura said as she pointed at the ground. "He created a copy of himself & attacked Simon so fast, I only saw his shadow move."
"That's how I got the nickname 'Shadow Sage'," Kairi told Simon. "Not only do I use stealth, but I can see things that others can't."
"What is this shit?" Simon growled. "I'm supposed to be stronger than you. I'm the ultimate power in this universe!"
"To be honest, Jubilee, Ranma & Tenchi are way stronger than me. But hell, I can train myself to be almost as strong as them. I kinda like hanging out with them, despite the insanity that goes on. As for you, well you're light years away from ever being a good a magic user than me."
"Heh! Well, let's see if your Ki is as strong as mine!" Simon yelled. Taking out his sword, Simon launched another green wave of energy. Keeping his stance steady, Kairi prepared himself & at the last second punched the energy away into the sky. "Ok, my turn. Jubilee & Ranma helped me create this one!" Kairi said. Cupping his hands to the side, an orange battle aura glowed around him. Thrusting out his palms, side by side, he squalled "KITSUNE-KEN!" launching a round, orange blast of energy at Simon, knocking him backwards a few feet. Seething with anger, Simon held out his sword. "Damn you Taylor! I HATE YOU!!! I'LL STRIKE YOU DOWN!"
"Get a grip man. You wanna settle this with swords, fine with me." Kairi drew the sword from his staff & held it to his side, intently staring down Simon. Then, both of them rushed as each other, swords raised. As they closed in, Kairi let out a battle cry, ducked & swung his sword in a wide arc & thrust it in back of him. A few seconds later, the Simon that was in front of him disappeared as the real Simon that was behind him reappeared with Kairi's sword buried in his chest. "That's for Kevin." Kairi solemnly said.
"But...how..." Simon whispered as he felt life leaving him. "I already told you. You reality-altering powers don't work. I saw you teleport when we were running at each other." Kairi explained. The short sword that Simon had broke in two as Simon said "This...will never end...with my...death..." Then, Simon's body disintegrated as Kairi let out a long sigh. "I can't even train without someone coming to get me. I am most certainly cursed." Shampoo & Sakura rushed over to Kairi.
"Aiya! Kairi do so well!" Shampoo beamed. Sakura patted him on the shoulder as she said "That was pretty good. I thought for sure he hurt you pretty badly."
"You're right, he did. My ribs sting like hell & my head feels like it was in a vice grip." As he sheathed the sword, a large red spaceship loomed overhead. "Um, are you expecting any company?" Sakura warily asked.
"Shampoo wonder what else go wrong today."
"Hey down there, you three ok?" The voice was Jubilee's as the spaceship came to a stop. "Jubes, what the hell are you doing on a spaceship?" Kairi yelled out.

"It was indeed a glorious battle, was it not my compatriots?" Kuno proudly boasted as the gang of ninjas was led away by the local police. Ev sat with Monet in his arms as Monet said coyly "Indeed & I am so proud of my brave warrior! You looked absolutely sexy today!" as she proceeded to kiss him.
"I think I'm gonna hurl." Angelo muttered as he sat down nearby with Tenchi & Kiyone.
"I think they make a cute couple," Kiyone giggled "even in the wake of the most disastrous wedding I've ever been to."
"Tell me about it," Tenchi said. "I haven't seen so many fights since that bar fight in NY."
Ev laughed & said "Yeah, I know what you mean. It was funny seeing Angelo & Jono beating up guys left & right. But then when Kuno got involved--"
"Yes, a virtual brawl indeed," Kuno agreed "but it was nothing the four of us couldn't handle. Well, I think I'll go home & eat dinner. By the way, before I forget to tell you, Jubilee just contacted me. Kairi is at Dr. Tofu's clinic being treated for some injuries. Perhaps we should stop by to see him."
"Kairi? At Dr. Tofu's?" Ev asked puzzled. "It may have something to do with our attackers." Monet concluded.
"Yeah, it does." Kiyone added. "I just got a message from Ryoko. It seems that Kairi was just in a battle with Simon Raven."
"Simon Raven? Not him again!" Tenchi groaned
"Well, we won't have to worry about him. Kairi killed him." Kiyone replied.
"Well, let's go see him," Ev said "& find out what happened."
"Yeah, the gringo's probably dying to hear all about our disaster!" Angelo added.

"Are you serious? They called off the wedding AGAIN?" Sakura asked as she & Jubilee entered Dr. Tofu's. "Totally," Jubilee explained " 'cause Ranma & Akane figured it was too soon to get married, so they decided to wait until they were in college before they did anything else. Well, that & the fact that those damn Kunos would get in the way again."
"Most definitely." Sakura agreed. "But another thing--what's this Cube that Simon was talking about? I never knew about it."
"As far as I remember,” Jubilee said "it's this artifact the Guild found awhile back. No one knew what to do about it, so the Elder suggested we lock it up until we can find some more clues. Guess they'll keep a close eye on it now."
As they walked into the office, Ranma & Kairi, whose forehead was bandaged up, greeted them. "Wow, you ok?" Jubilee asked. "He'll be fine," Ranma assured her "he's only got a few bruised rips & a mild concussion, so he'll be taking it easy for a few days."
"But I still can't believe what happened with you guys today." Kairi smiled "NINJAS? Do they offer their services to everyone, or are trolls & orcs reserved for fantasy worlds?"
"Yeah. Well might as well breath a bit easier. I am totally not ready to settle down with that crazy tomboy just yet."

20 minutes later...

"I TOLD you that Akane was right behind you, but would you listen?" Jubilee said as Dr. Tofu continued to bandage Ranma's forearms.
"I'd still like to know where she gets those mallets." Ranma grumbled. Kairi put his hands over his head as he said "Well, so much for Raven. My second biggest migraine's gone."
"Really? What's your first?" Sakura asked.
"In five seconds, you'll find out."
4.5 seconds later, Yuffie burst into the room. "Kairi, I heard everything that happened to you! Are you hurt? Come here!" At that point she hugged him. Tightly. Across his bandaged ribs.
"Cover your ears." Sakura said to Jubilee & Ranma.

As Ukyo & Monet walked to the clinic, Monet asked "I wonder how Kairi is doing?"
"Well, he was holding up alright last time I saw him. That is, unless Yuffie didn't already get to him." Ukyo said. At that second, a loud piercing scream of pain shattered the peace of the night.
"Well, that was short lived." Monet sighed.

Epilogue-One Year Later:
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Kairi kneeled in silent prayer at the grave of Everett. He was away at the time of the blast that took his friend's life. The initial shock was lingering as everyone did what he or she could to adjust after the loss. Many things had changed over that time. The academy had closed its doors to public students. Paige broke up with Rat Fink---er I mean Weasel Boy---oops I mean Tristan. Mousse & & Mihoshi had also broke up & Mousse had decided to travel the world on his own.
As Kairi rose, he saw that Monet stood behind him, with a rose & a pair of green goggles. "You've been here every weekend for the past five months." Monet said "You don't really need to do this to yourself."
"Yeah, I know." Kairi said "I kinda like coming here though, telling him the crazy stuff he's missing out on. It's surreal that he's no longer here, you know?" Noticing that a tiny tear had silently rolled from his eye as well as Monet's, he said "But I'm not alone in that rationalization, am I?"
"Yes, I miss him too." Monet said, patting him on the shoulder. "But I think he'd want you to have these goggles. Even though you heckled him mercilessly about them."
"I did, didn't I? Man, I made some real stinging puns about those damn things."
"Well, you do have your son to cheer you up. He's become so cute. But why in heaven's name did his first words become 'Angelo No Baka'?" (Authors Note: YES YES YES!! It is good to rip on poor Angelo!)
"Gee, I wonder." Kairi laughed nervously as he mumbled "Must have picked it up from his mom. Anyway, we gotta get to the Guild. Marvel just sent an important message today."
"Did they say what it was?" Monet asked. "I dunno. It's about Marvel's future plans with your comic, that's all I know."


                   To Be Concluded in:
                  No Need For Farewells
                      (Or, The End)