|
|
MiSTing #40: The Prelude written by Kairi Taylor MiSTing #40: The Prelude by: Kairi Taylor Summary: What does a bunch of jaded characters, A Mew, a pack of Kobolds, Tom Servo & a bio-sphere all have in common? Beats the hell outta me, but read this prolouge to a future story & maybe you'll find out! (The Meeting Room Of the FanFic Writers Guild. An assortment of the characters that appear in Kairi's fanfics are seated. These include: Monet, Angelo, Jubilee, Ranma, Mousse, Ryoko, Anita & Kairi himself. Icehole is seated at the head of the table, a manilla envelope in his hands.) Monet: Honetly, Kairi, I see no reason why you can't do one story that features just me. It would be such an honor for you. Jubilee: He's doing comedy, not horror. Mousse: Hey, I asked him to do a romance story for me. Kairi: Shampoo threatend to hang me by my toes if I did THAT kinda story... Mousse: Huh? Who said anything 'bout Shampoo? Ryoko & Jubilee (in unison): Eh? Icehole: Guys, if you're ready, we'll begin this emergency meeting. Anita: So, whats up? (At this point, Icehole opens the manilla envelope and begins to speak) Icehole: As of right now, I need to assign a task to 4 of you. I've handpicked you because you are among the most talented, well humored, jaded, ill tempered bunch of heroes that's available. Ryoko: You forgot good looking. Angelo: Not if you mean him. (Angelo points to Kairi who immediatley takes out a frying pan & tosses it in Angelo's general direction.) Icehole: As I was saying, the other reason I called you together is because the other fanfic writers have either called in sick, turned up missing or given me truly lame ass excuses like working late, taking care of their dead relatives, performing in a 4 month long concert tours & hiding in Shaolin Temples. Kairi: Geez, what did you ask them to do? Icehole: Write a MiSTing of a Gen-X comic. Mousse: Is that all? I'd assume you would have do something more terrifying, like write a fanfic with Obnoxio the clown. Ryoko: Wait a sec!! Who's the writer? Icehole: It's Hama. (A heck of a lot of dirty looks are sent in Icehole's general direction, with the exception of Jubilee, with a terrifying revelation in her mind) Jubilee: There's only one thing that could possibly be in need of a MiSTing. Oh God, it can't be... Ranma: You wouldn't... (Icehole pulls out issue # 40 of Gen X. The fear is quietly overwhelming. Slowly, everybody gets up.) Anita: I, uh just remembered...I, um gotta go,um, on a date with Mousse!! Yeah, that's it... Mousse: EH!?! Oh, yeah, me too! Ryoko: Yeah, and I need to umm....OH CRAP!!! RUN!!! (Icehole barely has time to react and activate the alarm when everybody uses a means of escape. Jubilee is sawing a hole into the floor and escapes to the basement below. Monet takes out a warp crystal a creates a portal, then jumping into it to escape. Angelo pours water onto himself to transform into his raccoon form & escapes into the airducts. Ranma shouts out "MY FIANCEE IS SUCH A KAWAIIKUNE TOMBOY" & outta nowhere, Akane runs out & boots him up into the ceiling, outta the room. Anita takes out a pokeball & summons a Charmander, which burns a hole into the wall, allowing her & Mousse to escape. Ryoko & Kairi blasts a hole into the emergency escape tunnel & flee.) Icehole: I knew this wouldn't be so easy. (An hour later, Jubilee, Ranma & Ryoko are gathered in front of the guild's biosphere, while Icehole is dragging Kairi by his feet into the biosphere. Kairi obviously doesn't want anything to do with the task.) Kairi: Dude, let me go!!!I ain't doing it!! Icehole: C'mon, it's issue 40. Somebody's gotta do it. Kairi: I nearly went brain dead from my first reading. Don't make me live through that again!! Icehole: Don't be such a pessimist. The others are willing to help you out. Jubilee: After being hunted down & forced into it. Ryoko: He bribed me into doing it. Ranma: With what? Ryoko: A date with Tenchi! (From offstage, Tenchi shouts "Icehole, please see me after this scene.") Kairi: C'mon, I've got stuff to do! I gotta feed my Mew. Icehole: Right, like you really have a Mew. (At this point, a Mew hops up on Jubilee's shoulder, holding a can of Poke-Chow. Hey, I know it's corny, but what the hell DO they feed these guys?!) Icehole: Ok, then you can take it with you. Kairi: I also gotta take on a party of Kobolds. Icehole: Yeah, sure. Kairi: C'mon. it's an easy 100 bucks! Jubilee: A party of Kobolds?! Can you try harder? (Switch to a field outside of Wutai. A group of Kobolds, in fighting gear, are standing around, waiting.) K1: Dude, he bailed on us!! K2: Where the hell is he? K3: A hundred easy bucks, you said. I came here to kick his ass, not wait around for a bus! K2: Like you could fight, ya fat sack of-- K1: Hey, what are you guys doing? Trying to get an R rating outta this story. This ain't South Park. K4: Oh, great, we just broken the 4th wall. K1: C'mon, let's go find this guy. (Back at the bioshpere, the glass door closes as Icehole fills the group in on the details) Icehole: So while you guys are taking care of the MiSTing, we'll be taking care of everything else from the outside. When you finished, just mail us a copy & we'll take a good look at it. Ryoko: It'll be just the 4 of us. Jubilee: No backup, huh? Gee, I'm not surprised. Icehole: Don't worry, 2 of your other partners will be along shortly. (Angelo appears with a bit of a smirk on his face) Angelo: Hey guys, hope you have fun! Kairi: Yes, well considering you're the one who ratted us out, I hope you consider preparing your will. Jubilee: Yeah, thanks 'amigo'. Ryoko: Maybe if we're lucky, Washu will turn him into a lab mouse or something. Angelo: By the way, guys, can you tell me whre the Nanunichuan (Spring Of Drowned Man) is? Ranma: Huh? You mean you...(At this point, Ranma & Kairi have an evil grin on their faces) Angelo: What? Kairi: Well, it's like this. Me, Ryoga, Ranma & Mousse went looking for the Nanunichuan &...well it's gone. Angelo:WHAT!!!?? Ranma: Yeah, it dried up. Sorry to tell you, but it looks like we're stuck with these curses for a while longer. Angelo: ARRGGGHHHH!!!! (At this point, Angelo is pulling at the door, which is sealed.) LET ME IN!!! I"M GONNA MASSACRE YA!!! (The kobolds now enter, all reasonably ticked off.) K1: Hey, there he is! K2: C'mon out, chicken!! Kairi: Oh great, them. Jubilee: You actually want to fight these guys? Kairi: They're an easy kill. Angelo: C'mon out & face the music!! K1: Hey, we got dibs on him!! K2: Yeah! Angelo: Back off, shorty! This is my kill! K3: Who're you callin' ugly, ya grey skinned freak!! Angelo: Que? You are SO dead, gringo! K2: Oh yeah? I'm gonna kick yer butt from here to the moon!! Angelo: Come get some! (As the Kobolds & Angelo begin a Pier 6 style brawl, Tom Servo comes in) Tom: Gee, never had anything this odd happen on the Satellite... Jubilee: Tom? Tom: Hey guys, I'm here to help? Ranma: How the heck did you get here? Tom: Well, it's kinda a long story to begin with... Ryoko: Make it quick. This story ain't got much longer. Tom: Well, our show was cancelled, AGAIN, so me, Crow & Mike went our separate ways. Crow's got some type of gig on the next Star Wars Film. I think he gets to kill Jar Jar. Kairi: If only... Tom: Mike's got a job as an executive over at CBS. Pretty nice gig, but he has to be the one who approves of any & all new CBS movies? Kairi: That sounds pretty good. Tom: Yeah, but his office is next to Fran Drescer's Jubilee & Ryoko (in stereo): YIKES!! Tom: So, you guys ready? Ryoko: Hey, wait a sec. Why are you here? Tom: I'm freelancing . I've got a office job now. I'm in charge of the records over at the guild. Well, that & there's not a whole lotta job oppenings for robots with gumball machines for a head. Kairi: So true. (Admist all the fighting, Yuffie shows up at the glass door.) Yuffie: Kairi, how long is this gonna take? We're supposed to go on a picnic today. Jubilee: You are? Since when? Yuffie: Since I've been chasing him around today. Kairi: Well, I guess it'll have to wait I'm stuck here with Tom &....hey, who else is helping out? (At this point, Ukyo sneaks up behind Kairi & covers his eyes with her hands) Ukyo: Guess who? Ryoko: Hmm, this outta be intresting... (Yuffie is now visably jealous as the fight with Angelo & the kobolds continue to brawl. Angelo is whacking one kobold with a bantha stick while the others are dragging in steel chairs) Icehole: Well, good luck guys & have fun. If you need me, I'll be in the Sports Bar. Kairi: Ukyo, What're you doing here? Ukyo: I wanna help, of course. Besides I like this new biosphere you guys got. Ryoko: Say, where are you guys getting the money to pay for all this stuff? Jubilee: We can't tell you. At least not until the next 2 stories. Tom: Well, we can start anytime you want. Or we can all relax before reading this mind-draining drek. Ukyo: C'mon Kairi, I'll show you the waterfall pool they got. Not to mention the new swimmig suit I got... Kairi & Yuffie (in stereo surround sound): HUH? Ranma: Poor guy, he'll go into shock. Ryoko: Or worse. Kairi: But I can't swim! I don't even have swim trunks. Ukyo: Don't worry, I got you a pair. (Ukyo drags Kairi off towards the pool.) Jubilee: You know, for a guy with a past like his, he's REALLY insecure. Tom: Well, what about her? (Tom points to Yuffie, who's taken a chainsaw to the door & tries desperatley to get in.) Ranma: Well maybe this won't be so bad after all. Jubilee: Yeah, I guess. (Thinking to herself: 'Now if I can only get Everett in here alone...') Ryoko: You know, I can see what you're thinking. Jubilee: What the--Mind yer own business. Ranma (snickering) To think, Akane calls me a hentai!! (Several hours later, Yuffie has a MiB style laser gun & is blasting at the door, while Angelo & the kobolds are still fighting, but at a slower, exhausted pace) Yuffie: You're not getting away with this!! I'm getting in here if I have to nuke this friggin' door!! K1: Give up, wuss? Angelo: I can still whoop you with one finger, man! Cause right now, that's the only body part I can move. Gen X & MiB belongs to Marvel Ranma belongs to Rumiko Takahashi Tom Servo is a Best Brains character Yuffie is from Squaresoft Tenchi & the gang are brought to you via Pioneer Icehole asked to be here. His wish is gratnted. Kobolds can be found in AD&D & frequently are referred to in Knights Of The Dinner Table, by Jolly Blackburn Mew is a Nintendo/ Game Freak character. NOW HOW THE HELL DO I GET HIM?!?! Jar Jar should be hung, but he's from LucasArts. Long, isn't it? "You-you're going to backstab a deer?" -B.A., questioning the wisdom of one of his players, "Knights Of The Dinner Table" Oh yeah, don't sue, cause I make no cash. -end-
