JELLYBEANS
(Or, Artie & Leech are Finally Featured In A Title)
or
This Is The Results Of Eating Too Many Jelly Beans & Doing The Dew!!
written by
Kairi "Shadow Sage" Taylor
Disclaimer: I don’t own these characters, blah blah blah, Marvel, yada yada
yada, Rumiko Takahashi, etcetera & such legal boredom, Pioneer
Entertainment.
I’d like to point out that this is outside the ‘No Need For Hama!’ series.
Think of it as a lost tale, something that the writer had in his head &
wrote out as a spur of the moment deal. I was given the idea of this while
consuming a box of Jelly Belly jellybeans & remembering a game on the
original Nintendo called “A Boy & His Blob.” Hope you enjoy the mayhem
that’s about to be started courtesy of Artie, Leech, Franklin & Sasami!
Artie laid in the comfortable plush sanctuary of the beanbag chair in
the living room. Nearby, at the coffee table, Franklin & Leech sat around
the table with Sasami, who as usual had Ryo-Oh-Ki sitting upon the top of
her head, watching them play Monopoly. The day had been fun so far at
Tenchi’s house, with the exception of the little incident where Franklin
almost got hold onto one of Nobiyuki’s private manga books. The kind you
REALLY don’t want young eyes to look upon. (Don’t think I’ll name any titles
either: I assume that any anime fan knows what I’m referring to & I’m not
going to give kids a mission to look up these titles.) Instead, Nobiyuki sat
them down & gave them his old Monopoly game to play with, as well as
carefully hiding his ‘special’ manga. As Sasami carefully planned her next
business move, Leech carefully assessed the situation that he & Franklin
were in: he had at the most $12,000 & two blocks of property while Franklin
had $9,000 & one block. Sasami had $100,000, all the utilities & the
majority of the properties. “Leech think he’s totally screwed.” Leech summed
up as he landed on Park Place. Sasami owned that, as well as the two hotels
that occupied the block. “You played this before, haven’t you?”
“Only a few times, with Monet & Mihoshi.” Sasami answered. Sasami also
remembered that Mihoshi tended to read a book that Kairi gave Mihoshi,
entitled “Monopoly For Totally Lucky Walking Disasters.” She also remembered
that Mihoshi won Monopoly against Monet about 100% of the time, which really
wigged Monet out. Artie had a word balloon pop over his head, which showed a
chibi Mihoshi surrounded by dozens of 4-leaf clovers & horseshoes. “Well, it
could be that.” Franklin said. “Because she also beat my dad & Uncle Ben at
Monopoly too. That’s why my dad wanted to study her.”
“Really?” Sasami inquired of Franklin. “Yeah. He also said that no one
who nearly destroyed half of his lab in 5 minutes could possibly have THAT
much good luck.” Franklin continued. A drop of sweat came down Sasami’s
forehead. There were some mysteries in the universe that couldn’t be
explained.
“I’m hungry.” Franklin said, “Isn’t there anything to eat at all?”
“Just carrots,” Leech replied “But Ryo-Oh-Ki ate half.”
“We can try to make something in Washu’s lab.” Sasami suggested. A word
balloon popped over Artie’s head, with a picture of Washu holding a sinister
looking beaker. “Don’t worry, the machine I found is safe.” Sasami assured
them. “C’mon, I’ll show you!” Shrugging their shoulders, Artie, Leech &
Franklin followed Sasami to the door at the staircase that led to Washu’s
Subspace lab.
The lab was empty, as Washu had gone off on an errand for most of the
day. Sasami led the boys to a table where a strange reticular machine sat
along with several jars of bottles filled with liquids & powders of
different colors, as well as a few plastic bags & glass jars. “Washu made
this awhile ago.” Sasami explained. “She said that it could make any type of
candy that you want.”
“Awesome!” Leech beemed. “But Leech not know what to make.”
“Same here.” Franklin added. Artie, remembering the jellybeans that
Kairi said he was going to go buy that day, had a word balloon pop over his
head & the image of a box of Jelly Belly jellybeans appeared. “Hey, great
idea!” Sasami & Franklin said.
As they started the machine up, Franklin asked “Hey, are we sure this
stuff is safe?” Sasami let Ryo-Oh-Ki sniff some of the ingredients & she
meowed in approval. “Leech guess that means it not deadly, like Akane’s
tacos.”
An hour later, Kairi & Angelo entered the lab, looking for the kids.
“This can be the only place that they’ve gone into.” Kairi told Angelo. “I
can only imagine what the twin terrors can only be up to now.” Angelo
mumbled, remembering that little prank that the two played on him involving
the shower & Jubilee’s pet Pikachu. Let’s just say that Angelo wouldn’t need
a tan that day, as most of his skin was no longer gray.
“Ah, here they are!” Angelo pointed to the kids as they were filling up
the last of the jellybean bags that they made. “What are ya crazy kids up to
now?”
“Hey, you’re just in time!” Franklin exclaimed. “We made some
jellybeans. “You did?” Kairi asked. “Well, what will I do with these?” Kairi
pulled out several large boxes of Jelly Belly jellybeans & a 2-liter bottle
of Mountain Dew. “Ok, so what do you want, these or your---“ Kairi’s
sentence was half finished as the kids quickly grabbed the jellybeans &
Mountain Dew, scampering out of the lab.
“Those kids will be jumping all around the house with that much
caffeine in their system,” Angelo noted “but at least they didn’t cause any
trouble.” Kairi began to take a closer look at the jellybeans. They were all
separated by color, each in an individual plastic bag or jar, save one bag,
with was a mixed variety. Taking the mixed bag for himself, Kairi looked at
his watch. “Well, we need to get to the mall soon, so let’s put these away.”
he suggested.
“Ok, but let me put a note with this candy.” Angelo replied. “I don’t
trust anything that even resembles food coming out of Washu’s lab.
Kairi, pushing the stroller that Hideo was in, followed Angelo & Tenchi
as they walked through the lower lobby of the Manhattan Mall. “Well, I
suppose I got enough stuff for today,” Tenchi started, eyeing the huge
shopping list that was supplied to him by Ayeka. “But I wanted to stop by
Barnes & Noble before we left.”
“We got time.” Angelo assured him. “I wanna drop by that skateboarder’s
store myself. Hey, he’s been a perfect angel today, hasn’t he?” Kairi nodded
& replied “Yeah, but I wish Washu would explain exactly how he has dark
purple hair. I’m pretty positive it doesn’t come from my side of the family.
Though the occasional psychotic tendency & ability to destroy everything in
our wake does occur frequently.” Kairi pulled out a bright red jellybean.
“Ah, what the hell, he deserves his first little bit of candy.”
“Did you say Sasami & the others made them?” Tenchi asked curiously.
“Yeah, so it should be edible. Which is more than I can say for Ryoko’s
food, as well as several other females I know.” Angelo quipped. At that
point, outta nowhere, a giant fortune cat statue dropped down on Angelo. As
he staggered up, a mallet cracked upon the side of his head. “I’ll give you
three guesses who threw the statue.” Kairi snickered. As Angelo was about to
ask how they could know what he had said, Tenchi reminded him, “Remember,
it’s a fanfic, they see all & hear all.”
As Hideo ate the little bright red jellybean given to him by his dad,
he smiled, as he tasted his very first piece of candy. Then he let out a
little burp. Unfortunately, he let out a little burst of fire that went off
in his dad’s face. As smoke began to rise from Kairi’s hat, Tenchi waved it
away. “Geez, what the hell was that all about?” Tenchi asked Kairi. “I don’t
know,” Kairi began. “But I’m guessing that there’s something not right with
those jellybeans.”
“Burp!!”
A stream of fire erupted from Hideo & lit Angelo’s hair on fire. He
began to ran around screaming “Ah for God’s sake, not again!!” Tenchi,
acting quickly, grabbed Angelo & threw him into the nearby water fountain.
As Angelo, now in his cursed raccoon form, jumped out of the fountain &
shook the water from his fur off, Tenchi observed, “Well, at least I put the
fire out.”
Taking out a root beer flavored jellybean, Kairi said to himself “Gee,
wonder what will happen if I…” Quickly popping the dubious candy into his
mouth, Kairi let out a huge belch that sent shockwaves all over the mall,
smashing windows. “I think we better leave.” Tenchi suggested.
The teakettle was sat on the stove as Angelo sat on the counter,
waiting. “So let me see if I understand,” Jubilee said as she sat at the
table in the academy with Tenchi & Kairi. “Are you saying that those
jellybeans have some kind of weird effect on people?’ Tenchi nodded. “So
far, I think we’re the only ones who know about it so far, so at least we
don’t have to worry about them causing any major trouble….Jubilee, why do
you have that look on your face that says that there is something really
wrong?”
Jubilee sighed & said “I hate to tell you this, but a lot of us were
passing through your house today, Tenchi. Let me put it this way: the
jellybeans are gone.”
As Washu stepped into the kitchen, she saw Tenchi, Kairi & Angelo fall
over in shock after learning of the current calamity they were in. “So,
what’s today’s disaster?” she asked.
“Well, it’s rather bizarre, but it turns out your rug rat was breathing
fire & Kairi nearly destroyed the mall after eating a couple of jellybeans,
Little Washu.” Jubilee explained. “Oh no, did Mihoshi get into my lab
AGAIN?!” Washu asked in concern. “No, it was the kids. They made the
jellybeans.” Tenchi explained.
“Well, I can easily explain it away.” Washu smiled. “I was perfecting a
series of chemicals that would give a different effect depending on what
color it was. The machine I worked on would synthesize the chemicals into a
candy form. Only problem is I still didn’t add the option to make
Everlasting Gobstoppers.”
“Um, Washu,” Angelo asked as he wiped the hot water off of his uniform
“why in the world would you make such a machine?”
“Hey, I was bored!” Washu said defensively. “Even the greatest genius
in the universe plays around a bit.”
“Well, we better find all the others who have the jellybeans.” Jubilee
said. “I’ll look around the campus, Angelo, go with Tenchi to his house.”
“I think we better check on the Tendo dojo.” Washu told Kairi.
Tristian & Paige sat under the tree in the back of the academy,
laughing as Tristian giggled “Did you see the look on his face when he
looked through the binoculars again?” Paige roared in laughter as she took
out a small bag of yellow jellybeans. “Hey, want one?” she asked. “No
thanks, I’ve got something to eat.” As Tristian looked through his book bag,
Paige ate the yellow jellybean with brown speckles. “Ah, here it is!”
Tristian triumphed as he pulled out a banana. That’s when he saw that Paige
had transformed into a large, lifelike version of a famous video game
gorilla.
As Jubilee looked all around the academy area, she bore witness to a
bizarre sight: Tristian, running with banana in hand, was pursued by what
appeared to be Donkey Kong. “Hmm, guess I know where the first jellybeans
went to.
Tenchi closed the refrigerator as Angelo looked through the cabinets &
noted “Vato, is it me or did someone take all the snack foods from here?”
Tenchi shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t think kids could eat this much.” He
replied. That’s when they heard laughter coming from the living room.
Curious, they entered the area to see something quite bizarre. Everett was
sitting on the couch with Ryoko, giggling uncontrollably while various
brands of snack foods laid all about the area. Nobiyuki was sitting upside
down on a nearby chair, constantly saying ‘Groovy’. A jar of dark green
jellybeans were on the table & somewhere in the background, reggae was
playing. On the TV was ‘Black Mask’ (Author’s Note: If you watch this movie,
well you really shouldn’t be sober!) “Hey, dude.” Ev shouted. “Just in time,
have a seat.”
“Dad, what the hell’s wrong with you?” Tenchi asked. “Oh, don’t mind
him, Tenchi darling,” Ryoko smiled “He’s just reliving his youth. From,
like, 100 years ago or something.” As Everett & Ryoko burst into another fit
of laughter, Angelo looked closely at Ev’s eyes. “Aw man, I should have
known!”
“Are they ok?”
“Tenchi, don’t you see, the snack foods, reggae, laughing, watching
complete s*** on TV, it’s official, they’re hooked on the chronic!!”
“They’re stoned?”
“Totally!”
“Hey, you guys want a hit?” Everett offered a jellybean to them.
(Author’s Note: Kids, please do not do marijuana. Like they said on South
Park, there’s a time & place for it & it’s called college.)
“This is a rather nice change of pace, don’t you think?” Nabiki said as
she sat on the bed with her manga. Nearby sat Misty & Monet, along with a
bag of light pink jellybeans. “When you finally get away from men,
everything just seems so nice & quiet.”
“I’ll say,” Misty agreed. “Ever since I took the day off from Ash, I
seem to have less headaches than usual.”
“Did he ever pay you back for the bike?” Monet asked. “That cheapskate?
Ha!” Misty scoffed. “It’ll be a cold day in hell before that idiot even
makes the first payment.”
“You know, I can arrange it so that he’ll practically hand it to you by
the end of the week.” Nabiki suggested. “For a price, of course?” Monet
queried. “Hey, justice does come swiftly. Just not cheaply.” The girls
laughed as they each took out a jellybean. As they began to eat, Kairi burst
into the room with Washu, shouting “Girls don’t eat the…aw s***!!”
All the girls began to look at Kairi with an intense ferocity that
really unnerved him. “Kairi, do you wanna know which jellybean they ate?”
Washu asked. Kairi slumped over, as he muttered “Don’t bother I’m gonna call
Chez Peter’s.”
“Well, I guess this problem’s solved.” Washu smiled as she held the
antidote jellybeans in her hands while heading for the Masaki residence.
Following close behind was Jubilee & Kairi, who had a lot of lipstick on his
face. “I just can’t stop thinking about what happened when Kiyone ate the
pink jellybeans & saw Mihoshi. Mousse didn’t seem too angry when he found
Kiyone giving Mihoshi a big sloppy one.”
“I’m just glad the day is over.” Kairi said. “At the very least the
kids didn’t eat the jellybeans they made, so they were the only ones not
directly effected.”
“Are you still embarrassed about the orange jellybean you accidentally
ate?” Jubilee inquiered. “Please don’t mention that incident. And thank you
very much for dousing me with the cold, cold bucket of water.”
“You know, during all this excitement, I can’t help but think that we
forgot something.” Jubilee mumbled. “Did anyone see Angelo & Tenchi?” As
Washu opened the door, her question was answered. Angelo, Tenchi, Ryoko &
Everett were on the couch giggling while Nobiyuki was passed out on the
floor. Then Kairi noticed that Marrow was lying on the floor giggling with
Ash in her arms, eating the dark green jellybeans. “Oh, hey guys!” Marrow
beamed. “You really outta try these. Goes great with brownies!”
“Dude, why can’t we just have a day where everything ends in a somewhat
normal manner?” Jubilee asked Kairi. Kairi merely shrugged his shoulders as
Washu pointed out “Trust me Jubilee this is as normal as it will get for
today.”
